What would you do if life walked up to you and said here is a clean slate create a new life, you have one year, go! I certainly don’t know. Would you say woohoo and go driving happily down the road? Well for me I have to tidy up my old life first. Now while that tidying up happens I start creating my new life. The problem is I have no clear picture of what I want the new life to look like. I know it contains a few material things, my red claw footed table, a Buddha painting and some other artwork, a new bed, charcoal grey sofa and assorted other things that I love. I know it also includes a wonderful group of people that I love and cherish. I am hoping it will contain a wonderful man who thinks I am adorable and all that. The rest is still blank. So far the only decisions I have made are: putting my house up for sale and moving, having a garage sale, I have taken a year off of work, and I refuse to be anything but me regardless of what other people want. Doesn’t seem like I have created much of a life yet does it?
Considering all I have had to let go of, I think I am making great progress. I have examined every belief I have had about myself, the world and others, to try and discover how I truly feel about all of it. One of the things I discovered is that I have always given up a huge chunk of my life for my relationships and am no longer willing to do that. I would support and participate in the things that interested them but they would not do the same for me. Now, no one forced me to behave this way, I volunteered. What the hell was I thinking? Why was I willing to give up so much to be in a relationship? I didn’t think I was worthy, or interesting, or lovable and made apologies for being me. I gave up me to be with them. Society has painted a picture of what relationships and family looks like and we blindly follow it. I always knew I was different than the norm and just wanted to fit in somewhere. I have never felt like I fit in, even in my own family. Now I do not want to fit in anywhere. I just want to be me without feeling like I constantly need to apologize for that. So how do I do that?
Spending lots of time alone gives me time to think and try things out. I have said since I was 19 that my idea of the perfect relationship was me in my house, them in their house and we spent time together when we felt like it. I should have stuck with that. I don’t think I am the marrying type. I don’t want to spend every day and every night with someone and when you live together that is unavoidable. Even living in the same house with separate living quarters would work. Or same property separate houses would work as well. I realize that this is not ideal for everyone, but I am meeting more and more people who think this way. It sure makes sense to me. I think this type of relationship could work if that was what both people wanted and I have seen it work. I have friends that have been married for over 30 years and live next door to each other. They love each other dearly but do not want to live together in the same house. They tried living together and it was a disaster that almost ended in divorce and building a second house on the property was their solution. They are happy, their children get to spend time with both parents and the pets wander from one house to the next. Works great for them so it could work for others. We just need to get past the idea of the traditional relationship that society has thrust upon us.
Relationships, in my opinion, are about respect, passion, communication, affection, trust, honesty, unconditional love and supporting the other person to be themselves in all their glory. What I forgot in my previous attempts was to ask for and allow myself those same things. I would offer those things to the wonderful man in my life but forgot that I deserved to be treated in the same way, not just by them but myself. I did not ask that of them. Now I am asking for what I want and need to be in a healthy balanced relationship and am no longer apologizing. Wow, now there is no pressure to fit in. No desire to be anything but me. I can offer myself fully and completely without losing myself once again in someone else’s idea of what a relationship is. Now, I can have some fun!!
Relationships should be fun. If your friends were no fun you would find new friends, take your toys and go somewhere else! You decide what the game rules are and as long as both parties are on the same page you should have a wonderful time. But, don’t play games, no one likes a player! This is not to say the relationship won’t have any problems. You are dealing with two people and their egos, accumulated baggage perhaps, and all the ups and downs of any relationship in general. So while I am supporting the other person and encouraging them to follow their dreams, I have to remember that I deserve the same from them and myself. Guess you have to have the ideal relationship with yourself before you can share the love with someone else.
Have a wonderful Monday. I am off to have passport pictures taken and pack more things for my move. Love and peace to you all.
Hug them like you mean it!