You would think that once you let go of something, that would be it. Wrong, it doesn’t work that way. First you make the decision to let go, then the whole letting go process starts, finally there is the letting go. That is not the end either cause you bump up against beliefs and emotions and you must let go on different levels at different times. I have heard it said it is the journey not the destination that is important. Okay I am ready for this part of the journey to be over, the constant letting go of everything that keeps going on a daily and sometimes hourly basis. Breathe in, breathe out and let it go.
I think that I must be fighting against the letting go to some extent. It seems as if the letting go will erase the memories of the past. Is it possible to let go and remember at the same time without a struggle? Well, I guess I am going to find out. Today the prospective owners of my home were here with the building inspector going over the house. I found it very difficult and had to leave. I don’t normally get attached to things but letting go of this home and the land is much harder than I thought it would be.
It is the memories, while I am here the memories stay fresh, there are visual and physical representations of my life here. The rock wall that goes up the side of the driveway that I built with Howard. Playing ball with the dogs and causing the dent in the siding with the tennis ball. The trees and bamboo that we planted and the hours spent working on the land and buildings. I see it everyday and I remember. Perhaps I am afraid I will forget when I can no longer see them. Perhaps I am afraid to make new memories somewhere else with someone else.
Breathe in, breathe out and let it go. The letting go is not only difficult it is also a beautiful process as well. It allows room for new things and people to enter your life. I have had some wonderful new experiences lately and have had a chance to refine my barn cat social skills. I have come to realize that the letting go never ends and the difficulties experienced are related to my resistance to go with the flow of the universe. People, emotions, things are never permanent, there are no guarantees. Once I accept the impermanence inherent in this world the letting go becomes a natural process that does not need to be directed or judged. I can let go of the letting go.
Love yourself, be kind to yourself
Big squishy hugs