I am back! It is just after five in the morning and I have my sunny yellow mug filled with steaming coffee and though my slightly soiled chair is in the room I now sit on my brand new sofa instead. The need to write has resurfaced in a new way, perhaps because of my new perspective from the sofa. I am looking around this yet unfamiliar room and seeing the old blended with the new. That is also who I am, the old Donna intertwined with the new Donna. A wonderful synthesis of all I was and all I can be. Transformation can be beautiful and difficult at the same time.
I am driving back to Sooke this morning to visit the post office, drop off some things to a friend and plan on visiting my favourite coffee shop to see who is around. I am also going to buy a piece of art that spoke to my soul and am keeping my fingers crossed that it is still hanging on the shop wall. If it is not, it wasn’t meant to be mine. If I am going to make a frivolous purchase that is over a hundred dollars I usually walk away from it for a few days. I want to explore my feelings about it and know why I am buying it. This piece of art is a local Native American thunderbird mask that gave me goosebumps. It is a symbol of many things and the thunderbird holds special meaning for me. The mask itself reminds me of the masks we all wear in our daily life and how important it is for me to walk this earth unmasked. This is what the universe is asking of me. Well the universe is demanding it really and every time I try to hide it thrusts me naked into the world and makes me deal with it. Sometimes the universe has a funny sense of humour!
I like the fact that the universe and its strange sense of humour keeps me humble and on my toes. It challenges me in the same way that the people I care about challenge me to be a better person. The universe encourages me to grow and stretch the limits my own mind imposes on me. My mind can sometimes be a dark and lonely place, but when I use it in combination with my heart and all the love it holds there are no limits to what can be. There are no limits. Unless you live in a constant state of fear, then there are limits. This is what I think about fear, because I do have moments of sometimes overwhelming fear, what is the worst thing that could happen? So, I visualize the worst thing that could happen and then think oh what the hell!
My entire life for the last year has been about overcoming fear, loss and doubt. I think I am handling it really well, but I am not going to get cocky about it cause then the universe will send something my way to remind me that I am not all that. I have done things in the last six months that I would have never thought of doing before. I have started this blog, I have deep conversations with complete strangers, and I have reached out to other people in ways I never thought I would even though I am shy. There is a contradiction for you, I am extremely outspoken and extremely shy.I have no idea where my life is headed or what my next great adventure will be. Somedays I am okay with that and other days the uncertainty drives me crazy. Oh Hell, I drive me crazy!
I have met a young woman recently, who I absolutely adore. She is brave, funny, strong, and has a huge heart. I admire the fact that she is who she is without apology. I also admire the gentle spirit she has when dealing with other people. She has taught me much and I am sure will continue to do so. So in the spirit of our blossoming friendship I will leave you with the following thought today. Having trouble with something in your life? Just visualize yourself using electrical tape and shrink wrap on it until it is small enough to handle. Yup, electrical tape and shrink wrap will help you fix anything!
Much love to all of you