I have so much running through my mind and heart this morning that I don’t know where to start. I have had a few rough moments lately that have me questioning everything. When this happens I usually phone a friend and run things by them. Sometimes you need an outside opinion when you are too close to a problem to see the bigger picture. It helps to broaden my view of my situation. People keep telling me that I am doing an amazing job at working through grief and moving on with my life. I guess in some ways I am, but for the most part I feel like a young frightened animal running through an unfamiliar landscape trying to find my way home. I am a fifty three year old woman who feels lost.
Every morning I see a turtle sunning itself on a rock at the edge of the pond by my house. I wonder if this is the same turtle that greeted me in the middle of the driveway when I moved here? I like to think that it is. We have a connection, this turtle and me. One of the great things about nature and the universe is they provide answers to your questions if you pay attention. Why do I keep seeing this turtle on the same rock every morning? This may be the universe providing an answer to some of the questions I have. I call them questions now instead of problems. So what does this turtle have to tell me.Turtles are able to live in two worlds. One is water and the other is land. They also carry their home, in a sense, on their backs. Their progress on land is slow and perhaps clumsy compared to the speed and grace they display when in the water. That takes care of the mind that dissects and analyzes everything. Now what does the turtle say to my heart? Sometimes life is slow and clumsy and that is okay. Sometimes it takes less effort to move through the world and you will bump up against obstacles that will slow you down and that is okay too. I live my life in two worlds (like the turtle) one of spirit and one of the physical plane. In the world of spirit I soar and on the physical plane I stumble a bit. Is it possible to soar and stumble at the same time? Yes, I think it is. In fact I am doing it on a regular basis. Stumble a bit here, soar a bit there. That is life, it is never all rainbows and puppy kisses nor is it all strife and hardship. Life is a wonderful combination of all those things and a sense of humour goes a long way in helping you navigate it with some sanity.
I guess the biggest message that comes through is be teachable. Be a life student and allow yourself to question, stumble, soar and fuck some things up. If you are not teachable the universe cannot help you. You know it all and the lessons sent are ignored or it is always someone else’s fault. You are not happy because you don’t allow yourself to be happy not because of something your husband, child, coworker, lover, or a complete stranger did. Becoming teachable requires you to look at yourself as the source of your problems and the answers. The knowledge of the entire universe is contained within you but to be teachable you must have an open mind and an open heart. Be open!
The turtle does not worry about what the rock thinks when it butts up against it. The turtle finds a way to navigate around the obstacle by looking for answers that are within. Oh yes, last time I just kept going forward and got nowhere, perhaps if I change my course just a bit that will help. For me changing my course is not a physical act but a mental one. That is the beauty of being human. I can get shit done while I work through the questions and answers. I can plow through a lot of work when I am mulling something over! I guess that one of the things that works for me is getting busy physically calms my mind. When I meditate I usually chant or rock back and forth. Yes not the standard meditation method but it works for me. Even cleaning the bathroom can become a meditation for me and clarity of heart and mind usually follow a cleaning spree. There is only one problem, I don’t like housework!
I keep getting a message from spirit to keep writing. Heck even Alfred Hitchcock chimed in! I just have not felt like writing. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I detest being told what to do by anyone, even spirit. That presents a problem. So I don’t want to write about my personal experiences at the moment, mainly because it’s well personal and not fair to the other people involved. They deserve their privacy and I respect that. Perhaps Alfred was right and I need to tell stories that will allow me to explore and let the people around me be anonymous. So, I will give some fiction a try and see what happens. Hope you all have a wonder filled day.
Hug each other