Apparently it can take more than one year to figure out who you are after your life is torn apart! I didn’t realize how much of my identity was derived from my business and my relationship. Once those things were gone, there I was standing naked, feeling exposed and alone, wondering what the hell I was going to do. I have moved on with my life in a number of ways and most of the time it was trial and error and the best things were happy accidents. This is the first time in my life I am not working, since the age of 15, and I also didn’t realize how much my self worth was tied into my job and being productive. It has been one hell of a year with lots of ups and downs but the ups are winning.
I have done things in the last year I never thought I would do. I tried online dating without much success. How the heck do you write a profile? The best and most honest one I could come up with went something like this: I don’t dye my hair, I don’t wear make up, I own 6 pairs of black boots and I have all my own teeth. There were few who were intrigued by this! I finally gave up on the dating thing and asked someone I knew a bit if they were interested in being my friend with benefits, even though I wasn’t really sure what that meant. Well, this friend with benefits thing turned into much more than I was expecting. He helped me find the joy in life again and continuously makes me laugh. He is a very private person so he may not like me writing about this. Oops, too late. I guess I just want you all to know that when you least expect it, someone or something is going to come along and help you find the joy in life again. I also started this blog in the last year after a spiritual awakening of sorts and gained so much from not only the writing of it but hearing what other people had to say about it. Some comments were surprising and made me see that I was constantly downplaying who I was and what I contributed to the world just by being myself.
Each of us has something to contribute. You don’t have to move mountains or earn six figures to have value to this world. Sometimes a kind word or a smile can change the course of someones day or life for that matter. I recently ran into my former husband who I have not been married to since 1998. I was a little uncomfortable at first but we had a few chats and it was like having coffee with an old friend. I also had lunch with his parents a few days ago while they were in town and it was a joy to see them again. I forgot how much I adored them and realized that when we got divorced I essentially divorced a lot of people in my life. The pain of that period of my life is long dealt with and gone, there is nothing left but love for all of them. One thing my former husband said in a text message really made me stop and think. He said, “Maybe you just bring out the best in everyone.” Perhaps I do, though my first thought upon reading those words was I am not that special.
If you have the ability to approach people and love them unconditionally that is special. If you can let them be them without judgement that is a wonderful gift, not only to them but yourself. Don’t try to change people, love them for who they are and just by doing that you give them the space they need to grow and change because they want to, not because you think they should. Don’t restrict other people or your love for them because of your own definition of right or wrong, good or bad. Open your heart and the world opens its heart right back. Besides, do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? I love being wrong.
So, I would some up the last year as a year of grace. There is a gracefulness to awkwardly finding your way. There is grace in the tears of grief as well as tears of joy. I am one of those people who cry when I am happy! There is grace in this world, it is all around you and you can see it if you look for it. You know what they say, you get what you expect. So expect grace, expect kindness, expect love, just expect great and wonderful things to happen all around you.
Be kind to yourself.
Hug everyone like you mean it!
aka Miss Daisy