I have not written a blog post in a long time. I do have things to say and things I want to share, but putting them on paper seems to overwhelm me and I end up getting frustrated. In those moments the delete button is my friend. I have been having some wonderful conversations with my older sister lately and the one we had yesterday resulted in me dusting off my violin and attempting to play a few of my favourite tunes. One thing that my sister and I share, other than DNA, is music. Music has played a large role in both of our lives. I don’t hear it, I feel it. Most of the time I listen to blues but also like everything from the Gregorian Monks chanting to some of the newer rap and chart topping tunes. I love music and there is always a song that speaks to whatever I am going through in my life.
When I spoke to my sister this morning, we had recently shared some poetry with each other, she asked if my creativity was a result of emotional pain. She had asked a great question and it got me thinking. When I started this blog I had just gone through the cancer diagnosis and death of the man I loved. There was a lot of anger in me and part of me thought that the universe had taken the wrong person. He had so much that he wanted to do and his art career was just beginning to take off. His life seemed so much more than mine that I thought they should have taken me and I even offered to change places with him. Since that time my life has changed so much that sometimes I don’t even recognize myself. I mean I am still me of course, but there are events in life that have changed me in such a significant way that I don’t remember what life was like before, or what I was like before. Because the universe has such a great sense of humour it constantly puts people in my life that mirror the old me.
I know I am rambling a bit and am not even sure what the point of this blog is today other than to get me writing again. Does it really matter what the point is? It all matters and at the same time nothing matters. I guess taking a trip down memory lane with my sister has reminded me of a few things. Once you understand certain truths and gain knowledge you have a responsibility. Knowledge brings power and you get to decide how you are going to use it. Ultimately you are only responsible for your own actions and reactions to others. Sometimes I have noticed that the words that come out of my mouth and what others hear are two different things. The words are filtered through their experiences and fears, and they hear what I say in a way that reaffirms those fears for them. Strange isn’t it? So what do you do in those instances? I try to reword things in a way that allows them to see beyond their fears, but in all honesty I get tired of it quickly. Saying the same thing in twenty different ways looses its appeal quickly. Because I understand a few things that other people may not, I have a responsibility to treat them with kindness and compassion and all I can do is share my experience with them. How they interpret it is not my responsibility.
I have learned a lot in the last year. I have constantly been challenged to operate out of my comfort zone. Sometimes I have participated willingly and other times needed to be dragged out of that comfy place. I am forever in debt to the people who were patient enough to help coax me out of that place of comfort with kindness and compassion. If I am constantly in that comfort zone and experiencing life from that perspective I am missing out on some wonderful opportunities and experiences. I never would have met the wonderful man who brings so much joy, laughter and love to my life. There are so many people and experiences I would have missed and let me say that each person and experience has helped shape the person I am becoming. I guess what it all boils down to is that life is short, shorter for some than others, so take a walk outside your comfort zone and see what the world has to offer. The only thing that creates that zone is fear. Find out what those fears are and face them head on. My way of doing this is asking myself what is the worst thing that could happen. Nine times out of ten it is worth the risk. So are you going to hide from life because ten percent of the time things don’t work out so well? Be honest with yourself and others, treat yourself and others with kindness and compassion. Notice that I put you first!
Love and peace to all of you
aka Miss Daisy
2 thoughts on “Comfort Zones and Risks”
Thank you for your kind words Bill! My hope for you is that only the positive memories of both relationships will guide you on the newest stage of your life. Loss is hard but not having anything to lose is much harder. Blessings, Donna
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First of all, that’s a gorgeous picture.
Secondly, it’s interesting that you ask yourself what the point of your blog is and then you ask whether it matters if there even is a point. Most people just ask themselves what is the meaning of life and get stuck with it. It’s equally interesting, to me anyway, that you go on to mention you are writing after taking a trip down memory lane with your sister. I lost my first wife to cancer in 2004 and all the feelings which you express above are very familiar to me. When I visit members of her family and we talk about the old times I come home brimming with thoughts and reminiscences. The effect on me is often profound and to a point, life-changing. She remains a positive and inspiring women even after death and I’m sure you have similar thoughts about your husband.
I do however experience a similar reaction when something jolts my memory about my second, now ex-wife, from whom I separated in April 2014 after I discovered she was having an affair. The thoughts in this instance though are very negative and have an adverse affect on myself and those around me. What makes it worse is that I discovered last year that the person she had the affair with is my next door neighbour’s son. They now live together with their child. After I confronted them in the neighbour’s garden last year and expressed my disgust (rightly or wrongly, feel free to judge), the neighbour – a 60+ year old widow – has put her house up for sale and is moving out; imminently I hope. With her departure I am confident I will not endure the constant negative feelings I experience just by seeing her.
So the point I am trying to make myself is that someone we used to love and lost while we still loved them can still be a tremendously positive influence in our lives, long after they departed, so I hope you take that inspiration to continue setting off on bold adventures outside of your comfort zone – I know I did after I lost her.
And finally, thank you for this because I haven’t written anything for a long time either. I rather felt I couldn’t do justice to my blog without writing about the events of 2016 and my neighbour but I just couldn’t get round to it. Perhaps in this response I have finally been able to get it off my chest and with the neighbour’s departure it will definitely be time to move inspired by the positive only!
PS…I see you’re in Canada. I just finished Alice Munro’s collection of short stories entitled Runaway which is all very Canadian. A good read.