Electrical Tape and Shrink Wrap

I am back!  It is just after five in the morning and I have my sunny yellow mug filled with steaming coffee and though my slightly soiled chair is in the room I now sit on my brand new sofa instead.  The need to write has resurfaced in a new way, perhaps because of my new perspective from the sofa.  I am looking around this yet unfamiliar room and seeing the old blended with the new.  That is also who I am, the old Donna intertwined with the new Donna.  A wonderful synthesis of all I was and all I can be.  Transformation can be beautiful and difficult at the same time.

I am driving back to Sooke this morning to visit the post office, drop off some things to a friend and plan on visiting my favourite coffee shop to see who is around.  I am also going to buy a piece of art that spoke to my soul and am keeping my fingers crossed that it is still hanging on the shop wall.  If it is not, it wasn’t meant to be mine.  If I am going to make a frivolous purchase that is over a hundred dollars I usually walk away from it for a few days.  I want to explore my feelings about it and know why I am buying it.  This piece of art is a local Native American thunderbird mask that gave me goosebumps.  It is a symbol of many things and the thunderbird holds special meaning for me.  The mask itself reminds me of the masks we all wear in our daily life and how important it is for me to walk this earth unmasked.  This is what the universe is asking of me.  Well the universe is demanding it really and every time I try to hide it thrusts me naked into the world and makes me deal with it.  Sometimes the universe has a funny sense of humour!

I like the fact that the universe and its strange sense of humour keeps me humble and on my toes.  It challenges me in the same way that the people I care about challenge me to be a better person.  The universe encourages me to grow and stretch the limits my own mind imposes on me.  My mind can sometimes be a dark and lonely place, but when I use it in combination with my heart and all the love it holds there are no limits to what can be.  There are no limits.  Unless you live in a constant state of fear, then there are limits.  This is what I think about fear, because I do have moments of sometimes overwhelming fear, what is the worst thing that could happen?  So, I visualize the worst thing that could happen and then think oh what the hell!

My entire life for the last year has been about overcoming fear, loss and doubt.  I think I am handling it really well, but I am not going to get cocky about it cause then the universe will send something my way to remind me that I am not all that.  I have done things in the last six months that I would have never thought of doing before.  I have started this blog, I have deep conversations with complete strangers, and I have reached out to other people in ways I never thought I would even though I am shy.  There is a contradiction for you, I am extremely outspoken and extremely shy.I have no idea where my life is headed or what my next great adventure will be.  Somedays I am okay with that and other days the uncertainty drives me crazy. Oh Hell, I drive me crazy!

I have met a young woman recently, who I absolutely adore.  She is brave, funny, strong, and has a huge heart.  I admire the fact that she is who she is without apology.  I also admire the gentle spirit she has when dealing with other people.  She has taught me much and I am sure will continue to do so.  So in the spirit of our blossoming friendship I will leave you with the following thought today.  Having trouble with something in your life?  Just visualize yourself using electrical tape and shrink wrap on it until it is small enough to handle.  Yup,  electrical tape and shrink wrap will help you fix anything!

Much love to all of you
Donna

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Temporary Ghost

Sometimes lately I feel like a ghost wandering around and most people cannot really see me. Some days I feel as though I am barely alive. I wonder if the people in my life know how much sadness is hidden inside me. I wonder if they can see how much I have to give and the amount of love I have for them. I wonder if they know how much I want to feel alive and loved. I wonder about many things but I never ask the questions. I just want people to see me, not their idea of who they think I should be. I do not need them to fix me. I am not broken. I think we all want people to love and accept us just the way we are. I don’t think it is too much to ask for. Most people can’t see beyond the picky little shit they place so much importance on to the heart and soul of the person standing in front of them. We see a distorted view of the person in front of us based on our own wants, needs and particular view of the world and our place in it.

I almost deleted the first paragraph but decided to keep it. It is honest and possibly makes me vulnerable but I don’t think either of those things is necessarily bad. I have realized that the thing that is really bothering me is how temporary everything in my life is at the moment. As long as I focus on the present moment I am fine, the minute I start thinking about the future my chest tightens and I get agitated. The universe seems to be giving me a lesson in staying in the present and I am not enjoying it yet. When it comes right down to it everything, and I mean everything, is temporary and life changes from moment to moment. So why does it bother me?

Perhaps it is because I have had so many changes take place in the last year that I am not the same person. I have a different view of the world based on my experiences and I have not been impressed with some of the things I have discovered about others and myself. I would like to have some consistency in my life. I would like to make some decisions about my future but seem unable to do so. I thought the problem was having too many options. Apparently, that is not true. I am unable at this point to take part in anything that does not bring me joy and speak to my soul. I need to discover what those things are again. I knew what they were at some point, I gave them up, for what seemed like good reasons at the time and that is when I stopped living and started merely existing. No wonder I feel barely alive some days.

So, I know what has brought me joy in the last few years and need to find a way to incorporate more of that into the new life I have now. I know the universe will guide me and I have great faith that this new path will be beyond my wildest dreams. I just have to remain open to the possibilities and have some patience with the universe and myself.

Peace and love to all
Hug everyone

Donna

Time and Space

Moving from a large home to a two bedroom suite is a huge task and the number of boxes to still be unpacked is a little daunting. One box at a time Donna, one box at a time. I did manage to find my yellow mug, which was tucked into the mop bucket for some reason. Finding my mug made me a happy woman! So the new and the old are mixed together in my new temporary home and I am starting to feel as if I belong here. The universe guided me here so I should know better than to question it, but I am stubborn and rebellious. The day we moved the last of my boxes into the new place a deer was sitting on top of the huge rock outside my door watching us. This rock is almost as tall as the house so all you could see was his head as he sat atop the rock with wary detachment. For me it was a beautiful moment and I stopped to admire him in the midst of a very busy day.

I also had a run in with a feral cat that roams the area. I opened my door and right at eye level on the rock was the cat and the first thing I noticed was her eyes. This cat is dark brown and black with wild yellow almost crazy eyes and reminded me of this dreadlock sporting bag lady that mumbles to herself constantly. I stopped and had a staring contest with this cat and for some reason felt as though I was being tested. I sent this cat as much love and energy as I could but it just sat there staring and hissing at me. I wonder what kind of life this cat has had? I wonder what the cat thought of me?

Animals play a huge role in my life though I do not have any that live with me. I love animals but treat them all with a wary respect and give them the space and time to get to know me. I also do this with people even though I just want to run up and wrap my arms around some of them. I give people space, the space and time they need to reach out on whatever level they want. I have actually spent time around one person who did not speak directly to me for a few months. I just let them do their thing without judgement and did not take it personally. They came around when they were ready and have been an important part of my life for a number of years.

Patience is the key. Have patience for yourself and others. Patience unlocks a whole new world for you. Give yourself the space and time to be you and extend that gift to others as well. I didn’t realize how much I did this or how important this was to me as a person. I am great at extending this to others not so great at giving it to myself. We are all connected and once the illusion of seperateness is unveiled it is not difficult to look at people and see yourself. It is not difficult to look at their struggles, fears and insecurities and see your own reflected back at you in a slightly distorted way. It is like looking into one of those fun mirrors at the fair. You know it is you but what you are seeing is distorted a little.

I have a busy day planned but the urge to write was strong this morning. I was worried about the writing for a few days. Every time I sat down at the keyboard nothing came. No inspiration, no thoughts, nothing came. This morning I sat down expecting more of the same then the words flowed from my heart to the keys and I took a deep breath. This blog has become a huge part of my life and allows me to express myself and explore my thoughts and feelings. I thank all of you for reading and interacting with me in this way. You have given me a wonderful gift of time and space to be me. My heart and soul thank you for that. Final thought for the day: Be fearless with your heart on this journey and love as many people as you can! Loving them is the same as loving yourself. It is only a matter of time and space baby!

Much love to all of you
Hug people and please don’t kill spiders
Donna

The Last Night

I wanted to take a moment to write on my last day and night in the house I have called home for the last twelve years.  I do not understand how it is possible for me to be filled with sadness and happy anticipation at the same time, but I am.  Just goes to show me that we are never just one thing but a beautiful synthesis of all our experiences and emotions.  Life is complicated and so too are the ways we respond to it.  Layers and layers of experiences and feelings all wrapped around blood and bones with a huge heart smack dab in the middle of it all.  

One of the things that I have discovered in the last year is that I love people!  I would never admit it before and tried to deny the fact that I am a people person.  I do not miss working at all, but it gave me a way to make connections with others and the absence of that has left a big hole in my life.  I am managing to find new ways to connect with people and am forming relationships that are based on a deeper level of understanding and caring than they have ever been before.  I am spreading my wings and just happen to stop and wrap them around people on a regular basis.  Watching someone blossom and open up when they are approached with unconditional love and acceptance makes my heart almost burst with delight!  It is not about me or my wants or needs, it is about what I put out into the world and how I treat others.   There is a bigger picture, there is always a bigger picture.

I have some very special people in my life and I thank the universe for them every day.  I have been blessed in so many ways and have fallen in love with life again.  I dont’t think I had been really living the last few years, I think I was existing which in a sense is like being dead to the world.  There was no joy, I had lost my ability to feel it.  I have my joy back and my passion for life and people has been reborn.  Now, I have something to offer the world again.  I offer myself and all the love and joy that this tiny little body with a big heart can hold.  It flows out of me there is so much and touches all I come into contact with.

I was busy and had to stop in the middle of writing this.  Wow moving is hard work and next time I will hire a moving company!  My last night in Sooke was bittersweet.  I went to sleep listening to the frog symphony and the waterfall in the koi pond.  I also had one of the best sleeps I have had in a long time.  Only three days left to get everything done and the help keeps pouring in and in some cases complete strangers are helping out.  I am not used to asking for help so this was difficult for me.  I am usually the one helping others, but I guess it was my turn and it has been and humbling and heart warming experience.  What goes around comes around.

You most likely will not hear from me for a few days as the time gets critical but I have got some wonderful blog ideas for the future and look forward to sharing them with you. Keep smiling with your heart!  

Peace and love to all

Donna

The Other Side of Grief

Five letters full of pain and wonder that is what grief is.   In the midst of the pain there are some wonderous moments.  Grief has a lot to offer if you are open to it.  Grief can leave you  laying on the floor broken and also be the catalyst for a life beyond your wildest dreams.  At least that has been my experience over the last year.  Life is never all positive or all negative but a beautiful blending of the two, you can’t have one without the other.  Well, I suppose some people can, however, the two help define each other.

People will be there for you during rough times and offer to help.  Let them help.  Allowing them to be part of your grief, even in the smallest way, is your gift to them.  You may all be changed by it in ways none of you expect.  I know that grief has changed me and I have observed how it has changed others around me.  Not all of it has been positive, but most of it has.  The grief has shaped a softer, yet stronger heart in the middle of me.  Funny how it works sometimes.  You have to find the softness and the gentleness to find out what your true strength is.  I usually think of strength as assertive, forceful, or a test of endurance.  Now I see strength a little differently.  

Strength comes when you are able to experience all of your emotions and see the truth behind them and how they are connected.  There is no good or bad, right or wrong.  Strength comes when you give in and let go.  You must let go of the bullshit and the untruths to see yourself.  Let go of all the beliefs and things that you think define you.  There is nothing like a life shattering event to help you clear away the bullshit that you have based your sense of self on.  

Grief strips away the layers you have wrapped yourself in, attempting to protect yourself from the pain of love, life and death.  You cannot avoid the pain so you may as well throw yourself at it and experience it fully.  It is the experience of its fullness that releases it.  Go for it, things cannot feel any worse.  Oh wait a minute, yes they can.  All you have to do is resist it or try to ignore it and it will make you feel worse just to get your full attention.  So I say, experience the pain of grief fully.  Then you will begin to notice the small bits of wonder hidden inside.  You will laugh, smile, cry and start living again.  It is up to you whether you let it harden or soften you. I choose the softness, we have enough hardened people on this planet.

Have a soft heart

Hug people and dogs

Donna

Anchors and Drifting

Fell asleep last night listening to the frog choir. One lone frog singing is as annoying as a dripping tap, but get a bunch of them together and it is a soothing and sleep inducing symphony of spring! Having ponds on your property helps with the frog population.
I slept for seven hours and feel refreshed with a new sense of peace this morning. Thanks frog nation! Yesterday, I had this vague restlessness and felt as though things were slightly off and to be honest was not my happy, smiling self. Took me until about two in the afternoon to work it out thanks to a quick (is there such a thing?) phone call to my wise friend Debra. We talked things out until I dug deep enough to figure out what was going on.

I am not generally a surface dweller, I usually dig until I find what I need. Right now I am tired of digging and analyzing and thinking. I want to have some fun! Finding the answers to what makes you the way you are is fun isn’t it? So these emotions I was feeling yesterday had me kind of low and I am tired of low, so I dug. Twenty minutes of telling Deb what was bugging me and her very astute questions and insights and bingo the reason popped out of my mouth. I said I need something solid to hang on to! I needed an anchor! Aha moment. Once the truth of a situation is acknowledged the relief is immediate, no resistance and the truth sets you free. Isn’t that brilliant?

All the changes that have happened in the last year and the ones I am still in the middle of have left me feeling like I am adrift in a stormy ocean. Plans ha, the universe is constantly saying no to my plans. Okay, I am adrift in this vast ocean, can’t make plans, and don’t know which direction the shore is in so I can haul my little ass onto the sand. Fine, I will just lay here on the choppy water and float to wherever the current takes me. Breathe, relax and let it all go. Why do we always have to have a plan? I am usually allergic to solid planning because life is structured enough, but right now I want to make some. Universe says no, not quite yet.

Okay, fine. While I wasn’t completely happy with my life, work and relationships last year, it was a solid life. I had an anchor to keep me from drifting. Actually I had a few anchors. The problem with anchors is if you use them at the wrong time or get tangled in the anchor chain the results can be disastrous. For good or bad reasons (it doesn’t really matter at this point) Howard was my anchor.
He provided stability for me when I needed it the most and to be truthful I don’t think I had any stability in my life before I met him. I gained weight for the first time in my entire life simply because I felt safe and relaxed. I was loved and felt safe. Here is the problem, Howard is gone from this earth and I have realized that I need to be my own anchor. Howard gave me twelve years of his life to teach me how to stand strong on my own.

Howard taught me a lot. In fact, I am still learning from our life together. Ooh the sunrise is spectacular this morning! I just looked out the window and the sky is a beautiful pink with deep streaks of gold. Great day to be alive and witness the miracles of being here on this planet. Back to the post. I think we place too much responsibility on the significant person in our life to be the thing we need. By that I mean, we look to them to fill in the gaps of our soul. That is not fair to the other person. You and only you are responsible for your own thoughts, emotions and actions, period. Sometimes we like to think that the other person is the cause but that is just us avoiding the truth and digging deep to find it. They pissed you off, dissappointed you, didn’t meet your expectations, whatever and you justify what you do in response to that. You are lying to yourself. It is you who are responsible.  You cannot receive love until you are giving it without expectation.

Of all the things I miss, having a sidekick or playmate is what I miss the most. Someone who has your back and loves you just the way you are and has fun with it! I’m working on it but also realize that I have to offer the other person that as well.  None of us are easy to live with all the time so a sense of humour is essential for a happy relationship with anyone. So my thought for the day is be your own anchor, take responsibility for yourself, have fun, get rid of your expectations of how others should be and relax. It is all temporary anyway. Appreciate the people in your life and let them know how much they mean to you. Most importantly don’t place unrealistic expectations on them, let them be them and keep your heart wide open so you don’t waste one spectacular minute of your life together.

Spread some love today
Hugs to all
Donna

The Joy and the Anger

One of the most difficult years of my life has created some amazing changes in me. While my initial response to all of the adversity and loss that I faced was a soul numbing anger, things have taken a different turn in the last few months. There is a softness in me that did not exist before and a renewed and refined compassion and love for others has blossomed out of that. While I have faced challenges before in my life, this was the first time I looked nowhere but inside my own heart for solutions and answers. I did not look for an external solution.

Something I have discovered is that I have an ability to be in the moment with whatever is happening internally and externally. I am able to be present and look at what is going on and as a result have a better understanding of myself and others. One thing that happened when Howard passed away was extreme sadness and grief which greatly conflicted with my hopes and the feelings of freedom his death gave me. I believe that conflicting emotions are normal during the loss of the significant person in your life and we waste too much time feeling guilty about it. It is a horrible situation to be in, you are trying to let go of them, the life you shared, move on with your life and remember and miss them at the same time. It is a tall order, the letting go and holding on to their memory all at once.

Life is full of conflicting emotions, challenges, joy and miraculous moments. We choose how we respond to that! I allowed my anger to take over for a short period but could not sustain it for long, it was killing my soul. The anger did serve its purpose for that period of time and I am thankful that I experienced it. The anger taught me a lot and may have been the catalyst for the softening that happened. I have a softness for myself and my struggles and have started behaving in a more gentle manner towards others. I do not know, nor should I presume to know how others should be under any circumstance. We just need people to allow us the space to work through it in our own way. We all need that space to learn and grow.

Having the ability and desire to look objectively at yourself and your reactions to the world and circumstance is a priceless learning opportunity. You can allow theses things to harden you and I believe that the people who feel as though these things have happened to them will harden. Life is happening to them, they are not active participants in their own life, the surface of the why of things is barely scratched. When you take the time to look deeper with an attitude of discovery and wonder it is amazing to see the layers and depths of the pain and untruths. My anger was there to insulate me from the pain and fear. But in insulating myself from the grief, pain and fear, I also insulated myself from fully experiencing all the good, the joy, the hope and the wonder. It is a double edged sword, anger is, that closes your heart off so you don’t feel anything.

I sat in this living room the day I started this blog and had an awakening of sorts. I fell in love with my life and could see how all the emotions, both conflicting and complimentary, were connected. I will call this a spiritual awakening simply because I experienced my own soul breaking free from all of the constraints my mind and beliefs had placed upon it. I was free in a way I had never been, I was free to just be. No rules, no right and wrong, just me naked in my humanity. I have great hope for humanity and know that people just like me are having awakenings of their own in the most mundane of places. Our quiet strength is far more powerful than the anger and fear being spewed out of so many minds and angry hearts at the moment. Living with your heart wide open allows you to feel everything and that can be a scary place to live from. It is painful and my heart breaks on a daily basis but my heart with it’s wide open embrace also gets to experience all the joy and wonders of being human in this time and place.

Be gentle

Donna

Rhythm

Six in the morning, frogs are singing spring into existence and it is warm with rain falling softly to the earth. What a glorious day to be alive. Woke up this morning feeling grateful for all that I have experienced and the people I have met. Thinking about a trip just to get away and relax. I’m not sure if I can swing some time away in the sun at the moment but I have a brand new passport just begging to be used. We shall see what the next week brings and how much I can get done. Universe I need a vacation could you please help things fall into place for this to happen. Thanks in advance!

I do not like asking people for help and have had to do it a lot lately. I am used to being the one helping others. So I have a garage sale to organize, a house that is sold and needs to be cleaned out, my new place to set up and all I want to do is lay on the beach in Costa Rica. I guess I am going to need some help to swing it. I find lots of people offer to help but a number of them don’t usually come through in the end. My suggestion, don’t offer to help people if you are not willing or able to follow through. Don’t offer because it is the polite thing to do. Mean what you say and say what you mean!

I sit here in this half empty house with its bare walls and my mind and heart are flooded with memories. The laughter, the tears, the lives that have passed through here and all the dreams that came true and the ones that got destroyed. This house has been truly lived in. New people and events are creating some more memories as I let go of the place I have called home for for the last twelve years. It is more than just a house, it vibrates with the energy of the lives lived here and has a personality all its own. The enclosed overhang of the roof has been home to a bird family for the last three years and I never had the heart to close off the area where they built their nest and started their family. I can hear the babies squawking, as I sit in my chair, and the feet of the parents scuttling back and forth to feed their constantly hungry brood. I got to see the babies on their first flight and it was magical.

One late afternoon last summer I sat on a rock by the large front pond looking to see how many fish were visible. We put a few dozen gold fish in there every year but few survive the wildlife and circumstance. I saw three that were about two years old and then five little one year olds swam by and my heart filled with joy. I was so excited to see that five had survived the year. You know how you get that feeling on the back of your neck when someone is watching you. That happened to me and I turned around and got to witness a fawn slide to the ground as a doe gave birth. I sat there and watched as the mother cleaned it and the baby took it first shaky steps with some gentle nudging. It was a beautiful moment and tears were running down my face. Outside life was bursting forth and Howard was in the house fighting for his life and losing the battle. No matter what is going on in our lives the earth and all her inhabitants continue on, not knowing what you are experiencing or how much your heart aches. How can joy and despair live in my body and be experienced at the same time?

Like all things nothing is permanent, not your circumstances nor your emotions. Whatever you are feeling now is temporary and bad days only last one day. Don’t hold on to things, people, emotions or ways of being. Allow them all to flow in and out of your life like they naturally do. Hanging on to any of it only chokes the life out of you in the end and crushes the joyous moments in your tightly closed fist. There is a rhythm to life and yes even death. So dance and dance like you mean it.

Peace and love to you all
Donna

Random Thoughts

Slept in my new bed last night! Let me tell you, bamboo sheets are amazingly soft and silky! I own a lot of bamboo clothing but never really thought about sheets before. Lot’s of firsts for me this year! When I envisioned my life in my fifties it did not look like this: single, living on my own, selling my home and vehicles and getting ready to travel a bit. Oh yes let’s not forget the dating! Dating after all this time is more difficult and also easier in some ways.  I have a much better idea of who I am and what I want but the process is not quick nor is it easy.  There seems to be a growing number of people between the ages of 50 and 70 who are single and we are going to be the ones who rewrite what a relationship is defined as.  We are involved in a relationship revolution of sorts, the old ways of being and thinking are being tossed aside and new ways of doing things are forming.  Exciting times!

The last few weeks have been fairly busy and due to a lack of sleep and not eating properly, I have come down with a cold or the flu, not sure which yet. I wonder why we say have come down with something? It doesn’t really make sense, does it? I do not like colds! I particularly do not like the runny/ stuffy nose part of it. So I have gathered all my natural cold fighting ingredients and have got to work zapping this cold. I am armed with essential oils, teas, homeopathic remedies and food. I wonder i they make bamboo tissues? I will have to check it out.

Living in two houses is difficult. In fact, I spend most of my time right now driving from one to the other. Trying to remember what is in each house is a pain in the ass. I forgot my hair dryer and other tools at the other house last night. So now I either have to drive there with wet hair or wait to have my shower. Now I just remembered there is none of my favourite soap at that house. See what I mean, pain in the ass. I am not generally a super organized person and this requires some skill in that area. It will make my life interesting that is for sure.

Despite the fact that I am a little outspoken and don’t have a strong filter on my thoughts and mouth most times, I still have trouble communicating the important things. I have difficulty asking for help, discussing my feelings and emotions, stating my wants and needs and you get the picture. I am looking at this closely. I don’t give a hoot about what the general population thinks but I do care about the thoughts and feelings of those close to me. Funny how I clam up around the people whose opinion matters to me. I have more at stake with them I suppose.

I haven’t wanted to write for the last few days. I have a lot to process. Things are changing so fast I can barely keep up. I am looking forward to this next chapter of my life and trust the universe to provide me with whatever I need. The people and the experiences I require to grow further are already in place, I just need to let go and trust.

Peace and love to you all
Donna

Coffee and a Turtle

Once again it is five am, the coffee is filling the house with its dark and earthy aroma, the fire is going and I am sitting in my slightly soiled chair, thinking about silly things and contemplating my life. I was shopping yesterday afternoon for a few things for my new place. I got to the coffee section and was overwhelmed with the number of choices. How am I supposed to pick one without being a coffee expert?   I like coffee, medium roast to be exact, but even the choices of medium roast numbered over 20. An entire section of shelving filled with colourful packages and the brand I like wasn’t on the shelf. Great another trip to another store! I order Americano at the local coffee shop where it has the catchy name of V0S 1N0, which used to be the local postal code. Now I wasn’t sure how to pronounce that so I ordered a medium postal code but this threw the baristas off so they told me to order an Americano. Even ordering a cup of coffee can be complicated. I don’t visit Starbucks often but when I do I always think up a new name for them to put on my cup, to see if they can spell it or just to see if they are really listening. Last week my name was Aradia, which is Greek for the goddess of witches. A girl has to have some fun even when ordering coffee.

I don’t like complicated things. They make my head hurt. I don’t have time for complicated relationships, IKEA furniture with its twelve page instruction sheet for a small table, or a morning facial routine that contains five products and fifteen steps to a more youthful glow. I am the wash, tone and moisturize girl. No muss and no fuss, that is who I am. Now that is not to say that I do not make things more complicated than they need to be, especially when I don’t think things through beforehand. Sometimes just jumping in with no forethought can complicate the hell out of my life. I don’t always think about the small numerous details. I decided to move before I sold my house. Simple right? Wrong, there are insurance issues, which require me to sleep in my old house four nights a week or it is considered vacant and the insurance doesn’t cover a multitude of important things. I also need two of almost everything if I am going to live in two places. Didn’t really think that through before I signed the lease. All I knew was that I felt like I couldn’t breathe living in the house with everything that has happened and I could not move on with my life until I lived somewhere else. So I found a new place to live and didn’t think about all the small details. The woman who is allergic to complications just complicated the hell out of her own life.

The other thing I am thinking about is synchronicity. According to Wikipedia, synchronicity is a concept, first explained by psychiatrist Carl Jung, which holds that events are “meaningful coincidences” if they occur with no causal relationship, yet seem to be meaningfully related. Life is full of it, at least it is for me. Sometimes I do not recognize it until after the fact, but it happens. I was heading to my new place the other day to wait for deliveries and when I got there a turtle was blocking the driveway. I have lived on this island for over twenty years, have four ponds and have never seen a turtle, so this got my attention. So I park my car and approach the turtle wondering what to do. As I pick him up his head and limbs retract into his shell and he produces a loud hissing noise. I had no idea that turtles hissed! He was not as heavy as I expected either. So I moved him onto the grass and parked in the driveway. Every time I went outside I checked on him and on my last trip he was gone.   He hadn’t moved more than a foot in an hour and then in ten minutes he had completely disappeared and I looked for him in a ten foot radius of where I had left him.

So I thanked the universe for my turtle encounter and contemplated what message the turtle had for me. The first things that came to mind were, slow and steady and home is where your heart is. The universe has been slowing me down in many ways for months and this was one more way to get its point across, and a rather obvious one. That’s the nice thing about life if you don’t get the message the first time it gets presented in a number of ways until you do. So, it also doesn’t matter where I live, I am the home for my soul and a house is not my home. When I viewed this suite the first thing I noticed about it was I felt centred and grounded so I am taking the turtle as a sign that this new place will be good for me. The universe knows that I pay close attention to the animals so what better way for it to welcome me to my new place and send a message than to put an animal in my path. Thanks Universe!

I pay attention to the signs but have trouble thinking about all the small details and intricacies when making decisions. The world around me literally shouts and I only have to listen more closely. So, stop talking and listen, slow down, pay attention, look at the world around you, the signs are everywhere. Or don’t, the choice is up to you. I choose to see the synchronicities of the people I encounter, the animals that cross my path, the traffic jams and obstacles that are put in front of me. They all teach me something about myself and my relationship to the world. What messages has the universe sent you lately? Are you paying attention? Let me know, I would love to hear from you.

Peace and love to all

Donna