Category: randomness

Look for the Signs

Published on by Donna GrayLeave a comment

Okay this is ridiculous, for the fourth morning in a row and I am getting out of bed at 4:44 am on the dot. Alfred Hitchcock also popped into my mind again just before I got up. What the hell is going on?

Shawn’s Dad, we call him Pops, has been visiting for the last few months. He had a farm in Saskatchewan and raised 100 head of cattle. We also have a Scottish Highland cow named Oatsie here, who is more like a pet at this point. Oatsie is 17 years old and an escape artist. Now picture a 1500 pound cow with horns about five feet wide with long hair and huge eyes. The other day we were moving some equipment and had the gate open and Pops was watching the gate. The next thing you know Oatsie is heading down the driveway, she just sailed right by Pops. Everyone was laughing cause this huge cow snuck right past the former cattle farmer kicking up her heels as she went. One of the guys enticed her back in with a bucket of grain and the drama was over. We live right next to the highway so keeping her behind the fence is important. Never a dull day here!

Okay lets go back to Alfred Hitchcock. I have told this story before, so for those who have read it you can skip this paragraph. My friend Debra is a wonderfully funny warm woman who happens to also be a medium. We were talking on the phone one evening and Alfred Hitchcock appeared to her on the ceiling of her living room. I said something like, ooh what does Alfred have to say to you. She started laughing and said he wants to talk to you not me. He said I need to keep writing, but I need to make stuff up. He had a bit more than that to say but I cannot remember what it was. I have not written much since and I am laughing as I type this. So now I am waking up at 4:44 every morning and Alfred Hitchcock keeps popping into my head. I am also writing once again. Thanks Alfred now let me get some sleep.

I have some intuitive abilities myself and have been able to see and get information from people who have passed away, but I would not consider myself a medium in any way shape or form. My information comes more frequently from the animal kingdom and the unusual number of coincidences that happen in my life on a daily basis. I stopped by a friends store the other day and when I went outside to get something from my car there was an SUV parked right in front of the store. On the back window was business information and the name of her business. I also write blog articles under the name Miss Daisy, which happens to be Shawn’s nickname for me. I still don’t understand why he calls me this. So the sign in her window says Driving Miss Daisy in big green letters. We had just watched the last half of the movie with the same name the night before.  I also pulled an oracle or tarot card while I was at my friends shop and the card had a picture of a woman surrounded by butterflies and halos of colour with a gold light seeming to extend from her third eye area into the heavens and said the word wants to be written. I went to a tile store yesterday and ran into a woman who worked there.  We have never met before but when I asked her what her name was she said Kristey and asked if I was Donna.  I thought perhaps my friend who recommended this tile store told her I was coming in but it just so happens we are friends on Facebook and she reads this blog.  The universe is constantly trying to get our attention and send us messages we just have to pay attention. Some may say that these things have no meaning and that is okay.  But, they have meaning for me.

There seems to be an increase in the number of people seeing triple numbers constantly on licence plates, the clock, sales receipts etc etc.  In fact there are entire websites devoted to the interpretation of these numbers.  Some call them angel numbers while others call it numerology.  To me it doesn’t matter what you call it and for some reason when they call them angel numbers it makes me snort silently in my head.  So I looked up the number 444 and read about it as pure numerology and the angel number interpretation.  They all basically say the same thing with or without the angels.  I will use the term universe instead.  The universe is sending a sign that all is well and the universe is supporting you on this journey in any way possible and to continue to work on your goals and those things you are passionate about.  You are on the right path you just have to trust in the process.

Do any of you see repeating patterns whether it is words, numbers, animals or symbols?Drop me a note and let me know what this means for you!  In the meantime,  I have a few fictional stories running through my head so I will try to make some stuff up as Mr Hitchcock suggested.  The characters in these stories are calling out for my attention.  Who knows,  perhaps I will write a book or a few short stories.

Hope you all have a wonder filled day
Look for the signs!!!

Donna

Spirit Says

Published on by Donna Gray3 Comments

Well this morning I decided to change things up and sit in my slightly soiled chair once again.  It definitely gives me a different perspective on the room .  I even grabbed a different coffee mug out of the cupboard and my coffee is steaming away in a mug created by a local artist that has a woman and a white raven on it.  Sometimes I feel the need to change things and other times the comfort of routine and familiarity is what I crave. That commercial jingle “sometimes I feel like a nut, sometimes I don’t”, keeps running through my mind.  I realize I talk about living with heart a lot and today will be no exception.  Spirit tells me that they cannot emphasize how important us living from our heart is and that the world needs as many heart centered people as it can get.    Keep writing, spirit says, talk about the heart spirit says.  Fine, fine I will do it but people are going to get tired of it very quickly.

So what is all this heart based writing about?  If you look back over history we have done some horrible things to each other, animals and the planet.  Most of these acts come from a place of fear, the need for power over, plain old greed and ego.  We cannot continue to behave in the same way and expect different results.  Something has to change.  While there have always been people doing great selfless things, I think the numbers are swelling. The media is focused on feeding the fears and the feel good stories are few and far between.  The internet and social media have given some a platform for policing and reporting on the actions of others.  They see someone doing something they don’t agree with and snap a picture and post it to Facebook.  I noticed the other day someone had taken a picture of the back of someones car and called them out for throwing a cigarette butt out of their window.  Stupid thing to do definitely, but did the person snapping the picture stop and deal with the cigarette butt or just go on a rant about it.  This type of calling someone out makes me uncomfortable though I am not sure why.  Brings to mind police state, witch trials, and lynch mobs I guess.  This makes me nervous.  What does this have to do with heart centered living?  Absolutely nothing, isn’t that great!

It doesn’t have anything to do with the heart.  It is all about right and wrong, us and them etc etc.  There is even a local page dedicated to calling out people who park without regard for others.  Why would someone spend so much of their time on a page like this?  I would like to have a coffee and a chat with them to see what lies underneath the need to out bad parkers in a public form.  I had someone come into my shop and she had some psychic abilities.  She looked at me and said there is nothing but fear stopping you.  I was a little offended and curious at the time.  Then she reached out and touched me which made me extremely uncomfortable ( I don’t like strangers touching me) and said, “They can’t kill you this time.”  I completely forgot about her hand on my arm  and almost danced for joy because she woke something up in me with that statement.  I thought, you are right it is not easy for them to kill me for my beliefs this time.  It was like a great weight was lifted off of my shoulders.  I was free to be me.

So I talk about spirit, the universe, animals, symbols, plants and energy healing.  At one point in our history that would have gotten me burned at the stake.  In this day and age you would think people would not have the same fears but those who were persecuted and the people who persecuted them have passed down their beliefs and their DNA to their descendants and depending on your belief system some have carried the echoes of these things into the life that they are in now.  I remember some of my past lives and I was usually the persecuted one because I have always been a healer in some capacity or another.  In this life some people still react with fear.  They are afraid I can see the things they try to hide from others and they are right sometimes I can.  So could anyone else that observes people on a regular basis and reads their body language and watches how they interact with others.  That does not take psychic abilities.

I see what motivates people, the essence of who they are, spirit animals and I now see (this is a new thing) some of the people in their lives who are no longer with us.  I say I see, but that is not an accurate description.  I feel them and am unable to explain it any better than that.  I get feelings and just know certain things.  Right now there is a spirit hovering over my left shoulder reading as I am writing.  I cannot see her but I know she is female and believe this is my maternal Grandmother.  She just turned to me and smiled when I typed grandmother.  For some reason she is very excited about what I am writing, maybe interested is a better word.  I come from a line of people who had strong intuitive abilities and perhaps my Grandmother was one of them she is nodding her head and has her hands clasped together.  I know that my mother used to see people who had crossed over but she was not comfortable with it and never spoke about it.  Thanks Grandma!

What does all this have to do with living a heart entered life?  I know, sometimes it takes me a while to get to the point  We all have gifts or talents, whatever you want to call them.  If you are coming from a place of love or with heart those talents are of great service to the entire planet and all its inhabitants. If you don’t know what your talents are look to your heart.  It will almost burst with joy when you find it.  What makes your soul light up?  Find that.  Do that, even if you don’t think you are ready.  I was having a bit of a rebellious streak and told spirit they could wait until I was damn ready to write.  They told me that was fine, I was only wasting my own time!  So much for the rebellion.  I hope that the person with the parking page realizes that their talents and time are wasted on  that and they have far more to contribute.  I hope they discover their gifts because what they are doing is not far off the mark.  They just need to shift their time and focus to something other than badly parked cars.

So stop avoiding your talent or gift and stop focusing on what others may or may not be doing.  Look for the things that make your soul light up, that is what we are supposed to contribute to the world.  Sometimes it is the smallest talent that has the most impact so do not discount it even if it seems odd or tiny in comparison with others.  Stop comparing and just be you.  You are enough and you were born to do this.  Go out there and spread some love today.

Okay, I went outside for a moment before I hit the publish button and had two strange experiences.  I was wishing that my writing skills were better than they are and that I was more eloquent.  Spirit said enough of that.  Spirit wants you to know that the fears are constructed by your mind and wants me to remind you that your heart is fearless.  So live fearlessly and follow your heart.  I also encountered a male spirit who was distraught.  He was pacing up and down the path and muttering to himself so I asked him what was wrong.  He said, “I lost it, I lost it all!”  Don’t ask me how I know but he was swindled out of all his money and felt ashamed and did not want to go home and face his family.  We had a quick discussion and by the end of it he had a huge smile on his face and waved goodbye as I stood on the path with tears streaming down my face because once again I got to witness the power of love and compassion.  What a wonderful way to start the day.

 

Much love and many hugs to all

Donna

The Heart Knows

Published on by Donna GrayLeave a comment

I woke up yesterday morning with a new energy and renewed spirit. This was a much welcomed change. I haven’t been feeling down the last few weeks, it was more of a flat feeling if that makes any sense. So, I have been pondering this change in my energy and trying to uncover what it is. What is at the root of it. I would have to say that it stems from my heart. What is really interesting is that it spreads out and touches the people I come in contact with. You know that saying smile and the whole world smiles with you? Well, it is true. If you live from your heart people cannot help but respond to you from theirs. It is contagious in a good way. Sure there are still some people who do not seem to have a heart to respond with but it is in there. It may be hardened and dried up a little but love them anyway. One thing I have a gift for is cracking the tough shell of cranky old men and old women for that matter. I love the cranky ones and always have. When I worked in a nursing home my coworkers would ask me why a certain patient was so nice to me and so mean to everyone else. I told them it was because I loved them and they knew it! On some level people can see through the bullshit and know who has a heart and isn’t afraid to use it.
I just had a flashback to a vision I had about my life when I was a child. I will just say that my relationship with my Mom was not an easy one, she was hard to love. The universe gave me the opportunity to look at all the interactions I had with my Mom and how different things could have been for her if I had responded to her with love instead of through my fears. I was also shown how different things would have been for me. Until you learn the lesson the universe keeps putting the same issues in front of you until you deal with it. The people may change and the situation my change but it is the same issue over and over. Since I chose to respond to people from my heart instead of my head, that dark space where the fear lurks, life has changed dramatically. Do I still have fears? Oh yeah baby I still have fears, I am merely human. But I have chosen to respond with love despite my fears and insecurities.
When we tell ourselves things like, I always have trouble expressing myself or I will never get along with my brother, we are reinforcing that idea. Someone told me to change the way I said things and I would start to notice changes. What I did was put the words in the past in front of these statements. In the past I never got along with my brother. This leaves the future open to a different outcome. So regardless of what you have struggled with in the past that is where it belongs, do not let your past experiences dictate the future. That small change in the way I spoke had a huge impact. I now try to choose my words more carefully. The answer to all of our troubles is always inside us. Someone I know was talking about his disastrous relationships. Two failed marriages were weighing on his heart and mind. I kindly pointed out that the only thing all of his relationships had in common was him. Then we both burst out laughing! When I realized that I had the solutions to any problem inside my own heart and accepted ownership of the issue and the solution my entire perspective changed. I make it sound easy, but it was not. It took a lot of work both internal and external. Fortunately the universe kept testing my new found skills and helped me hone them. Do I love everyone? No I do not, I treat them with kindness and compassion but I do not give them much time or waste my energy on them. I do say a little prayer for them though.
I have someone in my life who I really enjoy spending time with. I am out of my comfort zone sometimes with this person, but I do not let that stop me from getting to know them or interacting with them heart wide open. The world is a better place because they are in it and they make my soul want to dance. I enjoy them for who they are at this moment and all their little quirks and idiosyncrasies. I have fears, but will be damned if I am going to let them dictate this relationship or any other one. My past is not going to colour the future. I have wiped the slate clean and the future is only full of possibilities. Perhaps it is easy for me to do this because the life I had ended abruptly. I am not sure. All I know is that I take each day as it comes and try to deal with any issues as they come up. I have the answers inside my heart. What do you want out of a relationship? Do you want acceptance? Then give that to the other person. Whatever it is that you want, that is what you have to give. Simple isn’t it? 
I stopped for a minute to refill my coffee and had a vision of my heart. When you think of someone’s heart the colour red comes to mind for most of us. Well, I will tell you a secret, the colour of my heart is blue. It is a calm peaceful blue like a clean clear ocean warmed by the summer sun. It is liquid like the ocean too, the colours change in depth and swirl and shift and swell. Can you see it? Can you feel it? Well, my warm blue heart wishes you a love filled day and please don’t let fear stop you from having the life and relationships you want to have. Get out there and open your heart to the world. I promise you will not regret it!

Much love to all

Donna

Temporary Ghost

Published on by Donna GrayLeave a comment

Sometimes lately I feel like a ghost wandering around and most people cannot really see me. Some days I feel as though I am barely alive. I wonder if the people in my life know how much sadness is hidden inside me. I wonder if they can see how much I have to give and the amount of love I have for them. I wonder if they know how much I want to feel alive and loved. I wonder about many things but I never ask the questions. I just want people to see me, not their idea of who they think I should be. I do not need them to fix me. I am not broken. I think we all want people to love and accept us just the way we are. I don’t think it is too much to ask for. Most people can’t see beyond the picky little shit they place so much importance on to the heart and soul of the person standing in front of them. We see a distorted view of the person in front of us based on our own wants, needs and particular view of the world and our place in it.

I almost deleted the first paragraph but decided to keep it. It is honest and possibly makes me vulnerable but I don’t think either of those things is necessarily bad. I have realized that the thing that is really bothering me is how temporary everything in my life is at the moment. As long as I focus on the present moment I am fine, the minute I start thinking about the future my chest tightens and I get agitated. The universe seems to be giving me a lesson in staying in the present and I am not enjoying it yet. When it comes right down to it everything, and I mean everything, is temporary and life changes from moment to moment. So why does it bother me?

Perhaps it is because I have had so many changes take place in the last year that I am not the same person. I have a different view of the world based on my experiences and I have not been impressed with some of the things I have discovered about others and myself. I would like to have some consistency in my life. I would like to make some decisions about my future but seem unable to do so. I thought the problem was having too many options. Apparently, that is not true. I am unable at this point to take part in anything that does not bring me joy and speak to my soul. I need to discover what those things are again. I knew what they were at some point, I gave them up, for what seemed like good reasons at the time and that is when I stopped living and started merely existing. No wonder I feel barely alive some days.

So, I know what has brought me joy in the last few years and need to find a way to incorporate more of that into the new life I have now. I know the universe will guide me and I have great faith that this new path will be beyond my wildest dreams. I just have to remain open to the possibilities and have some patience with the universe and myself.

Peace and love to all
Hug everyone

Donna

Curves and Chrome

Published on by Donna Gray1 Comment

Did you know that I like old cars and trucks? I saw this beautiful blue Chevy truck yesterday with a split windshield from the late forties or early fifties. I hung around for a bit to see if the owner would show up so I could talk to him or her, never assume a vintage vehicle is owned by a man. I am still not used to technology and forgot to take a picture of it. I fell in love with the truck and wanted to buy this truck. Now I need another vehicle like I need a hole in my head but this truck spoke to my soul. The lines and the grill were simple yet beautiful and the stance was solid reminding me of a mountain gorilla. I like all the curves and small details the older vehicles have, they are art on wheels. I don’t care about fancy paint jobs! I like the weathered look on cars just like I do on men. The older vehicles are interesting and older men are interesting. Ooh I am starting to see a connection here. What appeals to me about the old cars is the same thing that appeals to me about people.

My daily driver is a Subaru Crosstrek and if you stand and look at the front it looks like an angry bird of some sort. Most of the newer vehicles look angry, weird huh. The world is also full of angry stressed out people. The new cars are all sharp angles and seemingly pointless curves designed to make them more aerodynamic. Not so much rolling art, but rolling science. I have had enough science. Everyday someone comes out with a new scientific study saying don’t eat this, don’t do that, blah blah blah. What the hell has happened to us? We are so bombarded with scientific information it can be a little overwhelming. I have had my new car for four months and there is so much technology I still haven’t figured out how all of it works. At one time I would have read the manual before I drove it, not at this point in my life. I would fall asleep from boredom in about two minutes. Ooh perhaps I just found a cure for insomnia!

I like things that are unique and I like people that are uniques as well. Show me someone who dances to the beat of their own drum and we are sure to be great friends in minutes. I appreciate authenticity, honesty, verbal banter, teasing, playfulness, and individuality. The vintage car people seem to have a culture all their own and I really enjoy the car owners that appreciate an old car regardless of the money spent restoring it. I like the old clunkers without the pristine paint and interiors and I usually like the people who own them. Guess I am that way myself, no fancy paint and a little weatherbeaten. I don’t enjoy car snobs anymore than I enjoy snooty people. We all have to use the bathroom and wipe our own bums! Well unless you have a bidet then that takes things to a different level.

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When I get behind the wheel of my 51 Caddy I feel different. I love driving this car!  This car was heavily customized and I really wanted air bags so I could sit Lola on the ground but had to settle for lowering her nine inches. The boys in the low rider club said she just wasn’t low enough to be part of the club damn it. I have had so much fun with this Caddy and have met some wonderful people when I take her out for a drive. I just don’t plan a short trip anywhere. Even just stopping to gas up can take an hour or more. People want to know about the car and I had to learn how to not be self conscious when complete strangers come up to me and start asking questions. Because she has no roof at all I can hear the things people say when I drive past them. Now this car has curves and chrome and reminds me of a fat bottomed woman. I always check out cars rear ends and I am always checking out men’s rear ends! I have a thing for bums apparently. I fell in love with her the moment I saw her. The picture at the top is what she looked like before Howard performed his magic on her.
I guess my love of old cars is related to my yearning for simpler times and my love of simple people. Life is complicated and I don’t need complicated relationships or people in it. Don’t dismiss an old rat rod because it doesn’t have the shiny paint or the bling. Don’t dismiss people that don’t fancy it up either. You never know what they have hidden under the hood or inside their heart.
Hug everyone
Spread some joy

Donna

Published on by Donna GrayLeave a comment

Once again I am sitting in the dark listening to the coffee perk and waiting for the sun to come up. I would really like to know why I could barely drag my butt out of bed to go to work in the past and now am wide awake at 5 am every day when not working. Perhaps I am excited to find out what the day has in store for me? Well it is Friday and that means the septic system is being pumped out, Neil the handyman will be here to do a garbage run and my life is full of running up and downstairs with boxes, boxes and more boxes. That is not all that exciting. However, you just never know what little gems are hiding in amongst the seemingly mundane daily chores. I found my favourite pair of glasses that I misplaced for a week in the laundry hamper so that is a bonus!

Some days there is so much to do that I get overwhelmed and have trouble getting started. The key is to just start! Pick up a box and put it in the car. That works well for any situation when you don’t know where to start. Pick one thing and start there. What you pick doesn’t matter it is the forward momentum that matters. I envy those people who are just able to really dig in to any task without analyzing it to death. I think about things so much that sometimes I think I have actually done them, but no. I just need to let go off my mind and do it. So, write, drink my coffee and get packing!

Music, don’t forget, everything is better with music! I have music on my iPod for every possible mood and occasion! Gregorian monk chants, B. B. King, rock, classical, blues and pop to name a few. I love music and can actually feel the notes floating out of the speaker and changing the air in the room! This morning as I write I am listening to Ajeet Kaur’s cd “At the Temple Door.” Beautiful voice and music that makes my heart burst open with love. Ajeet’s music is great for the bedroom too! I started laughing when I said that but it is true, it is great music for sleeping and other things.

So this will be a short post today since there is so much to do. I want to remind you of a few things before I shut the computer off.
You are enough
The universe loves you
Be brave
Hug people
Hug yourself
Breathe
Make time for the important things
Be present for the people you love
What others think is none of your business
Have a wonderful day
Smile with your heart
Live like you mean it
Love like you mean it
Just spread some love
Be curious, don’t lose that ever!

peace and love to you all

Donna

Coffee and a Turtle

Published on by Donna Gray1 Comment

Once again it is five am, the coffee is filling the house with its dark and earthy aroma, the fire is going and I am sitting in my slightly soiled chair, thinking about silly things and contemplating my life. I was shopping yesterday afternoon for a few things for my new place. I got to the coffee section and was overwhelmed with the number of choices. How am I supposed to pick one without being a coffee expert?   I like coffee, medium roast to be exact, but even the choices of medium roast numbered over 20. An entire section of shelving filled with colourful packages and the brand I like wasn’t on the shelf. Great another trip to another store! I order Americano at the local coffee shop where it has the catchy name of V0S 1N0, which used to be the local postal code. Now I wasn’t sure how to pronounce that so I ordered a medium postal code but this threw the baristas off so they told me to order an Americano. Even ordering a cup of coffee can be complicated. I don’t visit Starbucks often but when I do I always think up a new name for them to put on my cup, to see if they can spell it or just to see if they are really listening. Last week my name was Aradia, which is Greek for the goddess of witches. A girl has to have some fun even when ordering coffee.

I don’t like complicated things. They make my head hurt. I don’t have time for complicated relationships, IKEA furniture with its twelve page instruction sheet for a small table, or a morning facial routine that contains five products and fifteen steps to a more youthful glow. I am the wash, tone and moisturize girl. No muss and no fuss, that is who I am. Now that is not to say that I do not make things more complicated than they need to be, especially when I don’t think things through beforehand. Sometimes just jumping in with no forethought can complicate the hell out of my life. I don’t always think about the small numerous details. I decided to move before I sold my house. Simple right? Wrong, there are insurance issues, which require me to sleep in my old house four nights a week or it is considered vacant and the insurance doesn’t cover a multitude of important things. I also need two of almost everything if I am going to live in two places. Didn’t really think that through before I signed the lease. All I knew was that I felt like I couldn’t breathe living in the house with everything that has happened and I could not move on with my life until I lived somewhere else. So I found a new place to live and didn’t think about all the small details. The woman who is allergic to complications just complicated the hell out of her own life.

The other thing I am thinking about is synchronicity. According to Wikipedia, synchronicity is a concept, first explained by psychiatrist Carl Jung, which holds that events are “meaningful coincidences” if they occur with no causal relationship, yet seem to be meaningfully related. Life is full of it, at least it is for me. Sometimes I do not recognize it until after the fact, but it happens. I was heading to my new place the other day to wait for deliveries and when I got there a turtle was blocking the driveway. I have lived on this island for over twenty years, have four ponds and have never seen a turtle, so this got my attention. So I park my car and approach the turtle wondering what to do. As I pick him up his head and limbs retract into his shell and he produces a loud hissing noise. I had no idea that turtles hissed! He was not as heavy as I expected either. So I moved him onto the grass and parked in the driveway. Every time I went outside I checked on him and on my last trip he was gone.   He hadn’t moved more than a foot in an hour and then in ten minutes he had completely disappeared and I looked for him in a ten foot radius of where I had left him.

So I thanked the universe for my turtle encounter and contemplated what message the turtle had for me. The first things that came to mind were, slow and steady and home is where your heart is. The universe has been slowing me down in many ways for months and this was one more way to get its point across, and a rather obvious one. That’s the nice thing about life if you don’t get the message the first time it gets presented in a number of ways until you do. So, it also doesn’t matter where I live, I am the home for my soul and a house is not my home. When I viewed this suite the first thing I noticed about it was I felt centred and grounded so I am taking the turtle as a sign that this new place will be good for me. The universe knows that I pay close attention to the animals so what better way for it to welcome me to my new place and send a message than to put an animal in my path. Thanks Universe!

I pay attention to the signs but have trouble thinking about all the small details and intricacies when making decisions. The world around me literally shouts and I only have to listen more closely. So, stop talking and listen, slow down, pay attention, look at the world around you, the signs are everywhere. Or don’t, the choice is up to you. I choose to see the synchronicities of the people I encounter, the animals that cross my path, the traffic jams and obstacles that are put in front of me. They all teach me something about myself and my relationship to the world. What messages has the universe sent you lately? Are you paying attention? Let me know, I would love to hear from you.

Peace and love to all

Donna

 

Shitty Days and Smiles

Published on by Donna Gray1 Comment

Had one of those days yesterday! I hurt my finger again, yes the broken one, lost my glasses, forgot my passport paperwork somewhere and had to go back to get it, stopped at a store and the clerk thought I was really funny and tried to set me up on a date with one of her regular customers that happened to be there at the same time, and I left the window of my car open in the pouring rain. This all happened before noon, shit shit shit. Now I just noticed a hole in my favourite socks, damn. My goodness I have to laugh at myself. Of course my dear friends on Facebook, well some of them, made jibes and poked fun at me. Thanks! Most days I feel like a walking disaster then there are days that make it so. So I have to stop saying I am clumsy and forgetful and making it true. I have the grace of a swan, a weird black swan, and the memory of an elephant, I am sharp!! Add all that to the social skills of a barn cat and what do you get? A fifty three year old with an attitude and strange dancing skills. Good thing I am small, cute and lovable!

Okay, I guess I will have to explain the slightly soiled chair thing. Why does everyone think I soiled myself? My chair is slightly off white and I had a border collie that liked to roll around in the dirt outside then come in the house and rub herself along the sides and back of my chair. Her name was Terra and we had a love/tolerate relationship. She passed away and is buried on the property and I can see her grave from my chair if I sit up properly. I miss her and have not wanted to clean the chair, silly huh. I have cleaned the chair before and have owned this chair for seven years. I just cannot bring myself to clean it at this time. I miss having dog love in my life and have just signed a one year lease for a suite that has an absolutely no pet policy. I did this for a reason. I want to live pet free for a little while. I still have about 12 koi fish that each weigh over 10 pounds but they just ignore me and they can ignore the new people who look after this land.

Have I told you how much I love people? I love people all the crazy wonderful weird people. I talk to people everywhere I go. Complete strangers will come up to me in coffee shops, the grocery store, well anywhere really and I will say hello and the adventure begins. I get to hear their stories, they just start spilling their stories. This has happened even more lately and I have realized it most likely has something to do with the fact that I smile at them. I smile a lot! I also smile with my eyes so it must make me seem approachable. I’m not sure why it happens but I like it! I can almost guarantee you that if I am not smiling for a moment someone will tell me to smile. I must have a very serious face, I call it my resting bitch face, when I am not smiling. It used to annoy me when people asked me to smile, now I just tell them I was resting my face for a moment, then I smile at them.  I love people and it shows!

I pick up the keys to my new living quarters today. Since my house has not even gone on the market yet, I will essentially have two homes for a little while. So I will split my time between the new and old homes. It is almost as if the universe is slowly easing me into my new life. I was standing on the front porch with a friend on the weekend having a coffee and talking and they said you are going to miss this place. I had tried to convince myself that I wouldn’t but he was right. I am going to miss the trees that have grown over ten feet since I first moved here. I am going to miss the brilliant night sky out here in the woods, the silence, the birds, the deer, the rabbits, the owls, and especially the frogs when they sing spring into existence. I lay in my bed at night with the windows open and fall asleep to hundreds of frogs singing, a frog symphony of sound. I am going to miss living here but like everything else nothing is permanent and it is time for me to let go and move on

I question the universe and its wisdom sometimes. This usually happens when things are not going according to Donna. Why did Howard have to die so young with all his plans and dreams left unfinished, while the girl unable to make plans lives? I don’t think I will ever know the answer to that one. The plans for my future change on a daily basis. I think of something and roll it around in my heart for a while to see how it feels, nothing feels right. So my plan is to not make any concrete plans for a while, at least until my year off is up. I wonder what adventures the universe has in store for me? I do know that I have met some wonderful people now that I am not spending so much time working. The people are the important part of this journey. The people feel wonderful in my heart! The connections with others, the hugs, the love, and all the interesting and sometimes colourful stories they share. I am going to miss Sooke and my little plot of land here. I can always come back for a visit and wander into The Stick ( my favourite coffee shop) to see who is around, or visit the shops and talk to friends. Once you leave you can never really go back, things will never be the same again and I look forward to my new adventures and the people I will meet.

I am off to the passport office this morning! I will smile at the people standing in line with me and no doubt strike up a conversation or two. I challenge you to look at people and smile the next time you have to stand in line somewhere, look them in the eyes if they will let you and say hello. Don’t judge them just open yourself up to whatever they have to offer!  You never know who you are going to meet and your smile just might make someone’s day! Spread the love.

 

Hug everyone and trees

Hug lots and lots of trees

Please don’t kill spiders

Donna

 

Buying Into Bullshit

Published on by Donna Gray3 Comments

I cannot believe that I am writing this! Remember that this is after all only my opinion and in no way am I trying to tell you not to believe what you believe, or am I asking you to agree with me.Having said that, let’s do this. I am so tired of bullshit! I had a chat with two friends of mine yesterday. You know, the real friends that allow you to just say whatever you want and need to get of your chest, without getting upset about it or taking it personally. Anyway, we discussed many different things and they asked me one question (a lot of people have asked me this in the last six months) “Are you going to open your business again?” In my head and heart I heard HELL NO! Up until that moment, whenever I was asked this, I would say I am not sure. Something didn’t feel quite right until yesterday when the hell no came screaming out of me. My business was a retail store that sold yoga, meditation and metaphysical products to the not so general public. I just fell into the business with a forceful nudge from the universe. I cannot open that business again because that would mean I am not living an authentic life and at this point I have trouble being anything but authentic. You do not need the shit I was selling! What most of you wanted was someone to talk to and I provided that for free, no purchase required. What I got out of the business was you, I needed you to interact with me and at that point in my life the only method I had to meet you, was to sell you stuff.

Please note that this is not an attack on a specific industry but the retail industry as a whole and certain segments are singled out only as an example for making a point. You want to practice yoga get on the floor or the grass and do it! You do not need a mat, special clothing or any of the other stuff that you are being sold. It has been done for centuries without any of that. People want to sell you stuff and in order to do it they need you to believe that you cannot possibly do it “right” without their stuff. Meditation, same thing, just sit in a comfortable position and get it started. Mind you, I do love my meditation bench and it allows me to sit for long periods. (In my case 1/2 an hour is long) and be comfortable. You want healing and look for things that are going to make it faster and easier. These things you buy are tools people!   They are just tools to get you out of the small minded world you have trapped yourself inside of so you don’t feel the pain. They can help sure but no one thing or one person can heal you. You heal you! You get honest with yourself and do the work because if you don’t no one person and no thing can save your ass. If every time you need to make a decision you consult someone or something you are not acknowledging your own feelings. You want someone else to tell you what to do and then if it doesn’t work it is their fault. Take responsibility for you and find, search, and seek out the help you need but don’t expect to not have to do the work.

Sorry, I went on a bit of a rant there. I feel very strongly about it and cannot sell you things at this time. What I want to sell you on is your own ability to help yourself. Sure we need help sometimes and that is true for all of us, accept help, seek the help, be the help for others. I am not saying don’t buy the tarot cards or consult a psychic, or use crystals or have a reiki treatment or seek professional medical help in any capacity. These are all wonderful tools on the path to healing. I use Reiki, tarot cards, crystals, essential oils, and medical professionals on my own healing journey. I do not depend on them to make decisions or to solve my problems. What I am saying is do not expect them to fix you. I am asking what you would do if none of that existed or all just went away. What the fuck would you do? Well some people would have you believe that if you would only have nothing but positive thoughts it will be all rainbows and puppy dog kisses. I say bullshit! You want to get rid of your pain then you need to get down and dirty with it. Roll around on the floor naked and make sweet love to that pain!   Feel it, don’t try to push it away or cover it up with flowery words because sometimes your fucking life will depend on your ability to dance with the pain. I have survived some seriously nasty shit over the course of my life, am thriving even and for the most part am a warm and happy person. Most of my friends, notice I said most, would agree with that statement. Some would call me something much less flattering, they also have no idea what I have been through in my life because I don’t share all the details with everyone. I have danced with the pain in the many shapes and forms it came in. I have been there. I hope you do not have to stay with the pain as long as I did.

I don’t care how many positive and self affirming thoughts you have going on in that pretty little head of yours, it is masking the symptoms of a much larger problem. It cannot take away the pain until you face the pain and there is always help available. Please get help if you need it and please don’t feel as though you are all alone. That is the big secret, everyone feels alone with their pain and afraid they will be judged, ignored, rejected etc. etc. if they reach out to someone. If the first person you reach out to is a complete idiot reach out to someone else and then someone else until you find the right person. You are fucking worth it and your life matters no matter what you have been through. You are not alone. Think about it, with over seven billion people on the planet I am sure there is someone who will understand what is eating you up inside.

Positive thinking has its place for sure! What works for me is sending the positive thoughts out to others, by helping them I help myself. I am not focused on my narrow little world, I am getting out of my own dark and sometimes self defeating mind and giving to others. What you put out into the world comes back to you, they say. I’m still not sure who the hell “they” are but I could kick their ass right now. Manifest the life you want “they say”. So, what you put out comes back. Putting out I want this, I need that, this is what I want my life to look like, blah blah blah is grasping. You grasp anything in your fist long enough and you will choke it. Grasping, greed, me, me, me. Just think you get back what you send out!!! Send out love and compassion for others and you get love and compassion back from others. Send out all the bullshit you have bought into and you get back more bullshit. Is it starting to make sense?

Please stop buying the shit they are selling that tells you that you are not enough, this pill will fix all your problems, that car will earn you respect, this newer and bigger house will improve your messed up family life. The healing starts internally with you and a decision to do the work you need to do to start the healing process. Seek the help that you need in whatever form that takes for you. But, I beg you not to hand them the power you were born with to know and heal yourself by purchasing the shit they are selling. You do not need to purchase anything to be a happy healthy person in all of your brilliant glory, what you need is other people, that human connection. You need love and you cannot buy that.

Be the love, be the change
Love you all
Donna

Greetings From the Dandelion Whisperer

Published on by Donna GrayLeave a comment

I had an interesting experience when I hosted a small group at my home last week. I had bought some fresh flowers for the table. I bought mums and tulips and divided them between two vases. One vase was for the table and one for the bathroom. I don’t understand it, but I love having flowers in the bathroom. I cut the stems at different heights and arranged them in a haphazard fashion in my Grandmother’s red crystal vase. Beautiful right? They were a little messy and it drove a friend of mine, who works with flowers for a living, a little crazy. I think she actually winced when she saw them! She asked me if she could do something with them and I said sure! I wanted to see what a professional would do with them and I watched very closely. Watching her just hold the flowers filled me with delight, she has a special connection to them and this was going to be wonderful! She turned my motley arrangement of flowers into a beautiful, photo worthy creation. Then she looked at my face. If my mouth doesn’t give me away my face will. I really loved the arrangement and smile every time I look at them. What bothered me was I realized that for some people my wild ways were not all that attractive.

I’m a little messy and disorganized, so was my flower arrangement. I like to think of myself as a little wild, free spirited, outspoken slightly crazy person. People don’t necessarily respond as I would hope to my craziness and all the other wonderful attributes I have. They want to reign me in and turn me into some neat and tidy flower arrangement, because it makes them more comfortable! Not only are those flowers a reflection of me and how people respond to me, they are also a reflection of the person who felt the need to arrange them that way. I do not want to be tamed!!! I do not want to conform. I do not want to be like anyone else. My wild and messy flowers were now a neat and tidy but beautiful arrangement. I must drive some people crazy with my spontaneous and fly by the seat of my pants life! Good! If you are one of them and are reading this (I wish I could type that raspberry noise) I am sticking my tongue out like a five year old. God people are so serious. Fuck, loosen up people!

Even though I can be messy, I straighten things. When I go to your house I will straighten your artwork, fix the towels in your bathroom, line shoes up and if you let me, put your spices in alphabetical order. I will be moving to a new place in a few weeks. This will be only the second time in my life I had a place of my own where there was no one around to have an opinion on anything and there is a part of my that wants to dance for joy!   I am going to hang some pictures at odd angles just to remind myself of my need to line things up and also see who goes slightly crazy from all the crookedness. My lawn is another great example of my life. There it is 2.5 acres of wildness. I love seeing the dandelions and all the little weeds and funny things that pop up out of the ground. My late husband spent a lot of time in the yard cutting, trimming and pruning that wildness into submission. He never did that to me! He told me once that when he started the lawn tractor he swore that I went outside and talked to the dandelions and told them to duck when he mowed over them! There were always some dandelions left and I think he left them there on purpose just to make me smile.  God, I miss that man!

It is 5 am on a Saturday morning and I am waiting for a response from my flower arranging friend to use this story. I don’t want to make her uncomfortable, that was not the point. I love her, she is creative, funny and a joy to know. I just wanted to explore the flower arrangement and what it represented for me. So, how are your flowers arranged? I just want to sit back and watch people be themself without judging them. Observe people and at some point you will notice yourself being reflected back at you. Right and wrong is a societal and individual construct. Don’t judge just explore. So next time you mow the lawn think of me, the dandelion whisperer! I will be here rolling on the floor laughing my ass off!