What Do You See

Do you spend much time watching people? I look at their faces when they talk, I watch them interact with others and see how little they touch others. People for the most part do not look relaxed, they look worried. I wonder what they worry about? I know I worry about the craziest things sometimes. It would be nice if people walked around with one of those little word clouds over their heads so we knew what was going on. Can you imagine a world where nothing was hidden inside us? I don’t know if that would make things better or worse. Honest for sure and I could appreciate that.

We have been trained to have light superficial interactions with others. We touch yet we don’t touch them, we see yet we don’t see them, there is a coldness, a sense of heartlessness to our interactions. We are distanced from others by our expectations, worries and materialistic competitiveness. Why can’t we just open our hearts and say what we want to, what we long to? Part of us is crying out to do just that but we silence it. Don’t take chances or risk looking foolish for goodness sake. Silence it for too long and you become mute of voice and heart. Sometimes I would like to say things to people but I stay silent. I have decided to change that.

How am I going to change that? Not quite sure at the moment but as per usual I will figure it out as I go. I guess one way of changing that is through this blog. I’m taking a risk and putting it all out there. You are faceless though which makes it much easier. When I am standing in front of someone, all vulnerable and worried, I clam up. It is rare for me to regret something I have said. Most of my regrets come from what is left unspoken, what I do not have the courage to say.

I touch people a lot. I hug people and I touch their arm or shoulder when we are talking. I also look at people’s faces when we talk and I also look at their eyes. I love faces! I will pick lint off their clothes, tell them their zipper is down or their shoe is untied and in some cases have offered them a tissue or breath mint. I notice all theses thing but sometimes am still not seeing the person. Look at their eyes and you can see the pain, humour, anger, deceit and love inside them. What I find really interesting is when I see them, truly see them, I see myself in their eyes.

So, my plan this year is to say the things that make me vulnerable. Let people know how much I appreciate them, love them, enjoy them and just let them know they matter and are more than enough just the way they are. Ooh it is going to be a little awkward at first but I have felt awkward most of my life in one way or another. Wish we had the thought bubbles! See people, touch people, love people, watch people and learn much about yourself

Spread some love today!

Donna

The Joy and the Anger

One of the most difficult years of my life has created some amazing changes in me. While my initial response to all of the adversity and loss that I faced was a soul numbing anger, things have taken a different turn in the last few months. There is a softness in me that did not exist before and a renewed and refined compassion and love for others has blossomed out of that. While I have faced challenges before in my life, this was the first time I looked nowhere but inside my own heart for solutions and answers. I did not look for an external solution.

Something I have discovered is that I have an ability to be in the moment with whatever is happening internally and externally. I am able to be present and look at what is going on and as a result have a better understanding of myself and others. One thing that happened when Howard passed away was extreme sadness and grief which greatly conflicted with my hopes and the feelings of freedom his death gave me. I believe that conflicting emotions are normal during the loss of the significant person in your life and we waste too much time feeling guilty about it. It is a horrible situation to be in, you are trying to let go of them, the life you shared, move on with your life and remember and miss them at the same time. It is a tall order, the letting go and holding on to their memory all at once.

Life is full of conflicting emotions, challenges, joy and miraculous moments. We choose how we respond to that! I allowed my anger to take over for a short period but could not sustain it for long, it was killing my soul. The anger did serve its purpose for that period of time and I am thankful that I experienced it. The anger taught me a lot and may have been the catalyst for the softening that happened. I have a softness for myself and my struggles and have started behaving in a more gentle manner towards others. I do not know, nor should I presume to know how others should be under any circumstance. We just need people to allow us the space to work through it in our own way. We all need that space to learn and grow.

Having the ability and desire to look objectively at yourself and your reactions to the world and circumstance is a priceless learning opportunity. You can allow theses things to harden you and I believe that the people who feel as though these things have happened to them will harden. Life is happening to them, they are not active participants in their own life, the surface of the why of things is barely scratched. When you take the time to look deeper with an attitude of discovery and wonder it is amazing to see the layers and depths of the pain and untruths. My anger was there to insulate me from the pain and fear. But in insulating myself from the grief, pain and fear, I also insulated myself from fully experiencing all the good, the joy, the hope and the wonder. It is a double edged sword, anger is, that closes your heart off so you don’t feel anything.

I sat in this living room the day I started this blog and had an awakening of sorts. I fell in love with my life and could see how all the emotions, both conflicting and complimentary, were connected. I will call this a spiritual awakening simply because I experienced my own soul breaking free from all of the constraints my mind and beliefs had placed upon it. I was free in a way I had never been, I was free to just be. No rules, no right and wrong, just me naked in my humanity. I have great hope for humanity and know that people just like me are having awakenings of their own in the most mundane of places. Our quiet strength is far more powerful than the anger and fear being spewed out of so many minds and angry hearts at the moment. Living with your heart wide open allows you to feel everything and that can be a scary place to live from. It is painful and my heart breaks on a daily basis but my heart with it’s wide open embrace also gets to experience all the joy and wonders of being human in this time and place.

Be gentle

Donna

Energy of the Heart

Why is it when you spend time around certain people they raise you up and you feel energized? Then again there are others who drag you down and your energy level plummets. My take on it is people have different energetic vibrations. Some vibrate higher and raise you up, others vibrate lower and bring you down. What causes people to have different energetic vibrations and how can you deal with the ones that bring you down? I would say a person’s vibration level is based on a number of factors such as diet, general world view, life experiences etc. However, one thing I have noticed is that people who live from their heart seem to always have a higher energy regardless of the factors mentioned previously. Maybe there is something to that. Think about the people you know, how they make you feel and whether they live from their heart.

I have always had difficulty around certain people who make me feel drained after I have spent some time with them. I tried everything suggested to me by other energy workers and nothing worked. Sometimes I am given information, though I cannot tell you where it comes from, it is almost as if the information is downloaded to my mind. I am unable to explain it. One day on my drive to work last year I had in influx of information about energetic exchanges with others. I was so excited and it made perfect sense to me, it also helped me deal with the issue in a different manner. The basic idea is if two people are vibrating at different levels one will move up and one will move down until they are at the same level. Some people are like leeches and just keep sucking at your energy field. They want to feel good and this is the only way they know how to achieve it. The way to deal with this is to NOT prevent them from taking your energy, protecting your energy creates a game of tug of war, with no winners in the war. Instead of trying to stop them from taking it, just give it to them freely. The amount of energy available to you from the universe is limitless so tap in and just give it to the poor buggers! To tap in just envision roots going out of your feet and into the earth and ask the universe nicely for the energy, for the most part intent is enough. The universe responds to you!  For years people told me to protect myself from these energy leeches but it never worked for me and I couldn’t figure out why. This solved my problem, I mean it literally stopped the problem of feeling drained. Now I just pass them energy, their level increases and it is a win win situation, everyone leaves feeling great.

I am a firm believer that what you resist persists and that there are no winners when there are two opposing forces. You are not trying to prevent something you are solving a problem, yours and theirs. Try it and see if it works for you. It may not work for everyone, but I think it is possible if you do it freely with loving intent. We all have someone who we feel drained around in our life so give it a whirl next time you see them. I promise the more you do it the easier it gets. I even practiced on people in the line up at the grocery store! Some of their reactions were really funny, but most of the time I noticed some of the tension they were carrying lessen and some even smiled at me . It’s like a little energetic good deed! I even did it tonight when I was out to dinner, there was a fussy baby at the next table and I just sent her energy and she calmed down immediately and we all enjoyed our meal.

I know I talk about living with your heart wide open a lot and I believe that this is just another facet of that. It is all about what you are putting out into the universe. What you put out comes back to you. It is a huge cycle of giving and receiving but without the expectation of getting anything out of it. It is done out of love, plain and simple. There is no I, there is just us. We are all connected to each other and part of each other and the universe. Love has the power to heal and melt the most frozen of hearts, it just takes time. So love yourself, love others and meet everything with your heart wide open. Share the energy of love!

So this morning as it sit here with my steaming mug of coffee in, you guessed it, my sunny yellow mug, I ask the universe to help me find the energy to get everything done and have some left over to be of service to others.  This cold I have has taken its toll on me and I still have a house to finish packing up, a garage sale to organize, a new house to set up, and a number of other things to attend to.  There are always people who are willing to help and what do you know, they show up just when I need them.

Hug everyone and live like you mean it!

Donna

 

Random Thoughts

Slept in my new bed last night! Let me tell you, bamboo sheets are amazingly soft and silky! I own a lot of bamboo clothing but never really thought about sheets before. Lot’s of firsts for me this year! When I envisioned my life in my fifties it did not look like this: single, living on my own, selling my home and vehicles and getting ready to travel a bit. Oh yes let’s not forget the dating! Dating after all this time is more difficult and also easier in some ways.  I have a much better idea of who I am and what I want but the process is not quick nor is it easy.  There seems to be a growing number of people between the ages of 50 and 70 who are single and we are going to be the ones who rewrite what a relationship is defined as.  We are involved in a relationship revolution of sorts, the old ways of being and thinking are being tossed aside and new ways of doing things are forming.  Exciting times!

The last few weeks have been fairly busy and due to a lack of sleep and not eating properly, I have come down with a cold or the flu, not sure which yet. I wonder why we say have come down with something? It doesn’t really make sense, does it? I do not like colds! I particularly do not like the runny/ stuffy nose part of it. So I have gathered all my natural cold fighting ingredients and have got to work zapping this cold. I am armed with essential oils, teas, homeopathic remedies and food. I wonder i they make bamboo tissues? I will have to check it out.

Living in two houses is difficult. In fact, I spend most of my time right now driving from one to the other. Trying to remember what is in each house is a pain in the ass. I forgot my hair dryer and other tools at the other house last night. So now I either have to drive there with wet hair or wait to have my shower. Now I just remembered there is none of my favourite soap at that house. See what I mean, pain in the ass. I am not generally a super organized person and this requires some skill in that area. It will make my life interesting that is for sure.

Despite the fact that I am a little outspoken and don’t have a strong filter on my thoughts and mouth most times, I still have trouble communicating the important things. I have difficulty asking for help, discussing my feelings and emotions, stating my wants and needs and you get the picture. I am looking at this closely. I don’t give a hoot about what the general population thinks but I do care about the thoughts and feelings of those close to me. Funny how I clam up around the people whose opinion matters to me. I have more at stake with them I suppose.

I haven’t wanted to write for the last few days. I have a lot to process. Things are changing so fast I can barely keep up. I am looking forward to this next chapter of my life and trust the universe to provide me with whatever I need. The people and the experiences I require to grow further are already in place, I just need to let go and trust.

Peace and love to you all
Donna

Coffee and a Turtle

Once again it is five am, the coffee is filling the house with its dark and earthy aroma, the fire is going and I am sitting in my slightly soiled chair, thinking about silly things and contemplating my life. I was shopping yesterday afternoon for a few things for my new place. I got to the coffee section and was overwhelmed with the number of choices. How am I supposed to pick one without being a coffee expert?   I like coffee, medium roast to be exact, but even the choices of medium roast numbered over 20. An entire section of shelving filled with colourful packages and the brand I like wasn’t on the shelf. Great another trip to another store! I order Americano at the local coffee shop where it has the catchy name of V0S 1N0, which used to be the local postal code. Now I wasn’t sure how to pronounce that so I ordered a medium postal code but this threw the baristas off so they told me to order an Americano. Even ordering a cup of coffee can be complicated. I don’t visit Starbucks often but when I do I always think up a new name for them to put on my cup, to see if they can spell it or just to see if they are really listening. Last week my name was Aradia, which is Greek for the goddess of witches. A girl has to have some fun even when ordering coffee.

I don’t like complicated things. They make my head hurt. I don’t have time for complicated relationships, IKEA furniture with its twelve page instruction sheet for a small table, or a morning facial routine that contains five products and fifteen steps to a more youthful glow. I am the wash, tone and moisturize girl. No muss and no fuss, that is who I am. Now that is not to say that I do not make things more complicated than they need to be, especially when I don’t think things through beforehand. Sometimes just jumping in with no forethought can complicate the hell out of my life. I don’t always think about the small numerous details. I decided to move before I sold my house. Simple right? Wrong, there are insurance issues, which require me to sleep in my old house four nights a week or it is considered vacant and the insurance doesn’t cover a multitude of important things. I also need two of almost everything if I am going to live in two places. Didn’t really think that through before I signed the lease. All I knew was that I felt like I couldn’t breathe living in the house with everything that has happened and I could not move on with my life until I lived somewhere else. So I found a new place to live and didn’t think about all the small details. The woman who is allergic to complications just complicated the hell out of her own life.

The other thing I am thinking about is synchronicity. According to Wikipedia, synchronicity is a concept, first explained by psychiatrist Carl Jung, which holds that events are “meaningful coincidences” if they occur with no causal relationship, yet seem to be meaningfully related. Life is full of it, at least it is for me. Sometimes I do not recognize it until after the fact, but it happens. I was heading to my new place the other day to wait for deliveries and when I got there a turtle was blocking the driveway. I have lived on this island for over twenty years, have four ponds and have never seen a turtle, so this got my attention. So I park my car and approach the turtle wondering what to do. As I pick him up his head and limbs retract into his shell and he produces a loud hissing noise. I had no idea that turtles hissed! He was not as heavy as I expected either. So I moved him onto the grass and parked in the driveway. Every time I went outside I checked on him and on my last trip he was gone.   He hadn’t moved more than a foot in an hour and then in ten minutes he had completely disappeared and I looked for him in a ten foot radius of where I had left him.

So I thanked the universe for my turtle encounter and contemplated what message the turtle had for me. The first things that came to mind were, slow and steady and home is where your heart is. The universe has been slowing me down in many ways for months and this was one more way to get its point across, and a rather obvious one. That’s the nice thing about life if you don’t get the message the first time it gets presented in a number of ways until you do. So, it also doesn’t matter where I live, I am the home for my soul and a house is not my home. When I viewed this suite the first thing I noticed about it was I felt centred and grounded so I am taking the turtle as a sign that this new place will be good for me. The universe knows that I pay close attention to the animals so what better way for it to welcome me to my new place and send a message than to put an animal in my path. Thanks Universe!

I pay attention to the signs but have trouble thinking about all the small details and intricacies when making decisions. The world around me literally shouts and I only have to listen more closely. So, stop talking and listen, slow down, pay attention, look at the world around you, the signs are everywhere. Or don’t, the choice is up to you. I choose to see the synchronicities of the people I encounter, the animals that cross my path, the traffic jams and obstacles that are put in front of me. They all teach me something about myself and my relationship to the world. What messages has the universe sent you lately? Are you paying attention? Let me know, I would love to hear from you.

Peace and love to all

Donna

 

The Spirals of Your Life

I was thinking about spirals today and how life seems to go in cycles like a spiral circling around and around. If you don’t learn the lesson the first time, wait for it, the universe will present it to you again in a slightly different manner. Isn’t that wonderful? What a nice universe. So pay attention or you get to repeat your relationships problems, family issues, money troubles and anything else you struggle with over and over again until you get the message and learn the lesson.

I was having a conversation with someone a few years ago and they were complaining about their relationships and wondering why women treated them this way. Two failed marriages (didn’t learn the lesson the first time) and they were trying to figure out what was wrong. Being the sympathetic type I asked him what was the only thing that those two relationships had in common. He didn’t know so I pointed it out, the only thing they had in common was him! It did not go well for a moment, then the light went on and he started laughing. I think that as long as we believe the problem originates with someone other than us, we will not learn the lesson and are destined to have the same issues repeatedly. We pick the same type of person or we keep doing the same thing and expect different results.

Granted, most of us seem to be drawn to a type, but why? What makes us gravitate towards a certain physical or personality type when we look for someone to have a relationship with. We place a lot of limits on the criteria for our choices. You pick the strong and silent type only to end up resenting them because they don’t talk to you. You picked them! You picked that person so you could continue playing out the drama and learn the lesson. Once you learn the lesson you have some choices. You can chose to stay in that relationship, hopefully you have both grown and can maintain that, or you can let go, cut your losses and stop torturing each other. Some relationships are built on a strong foundation and can withstand the pressures of individual growth, which can lead to mutual growth.  So they picked you and you picked them and you both had reasons for doing so.  It is so simple and yet so complicated at the same time.

Do you have a type? Do you pick the same person over and over again? Do you have the same issues in every relationship? You, yes you, are the key. It is not about them, it is about you, your choices and your willingness to learn and grow. I didn’t mean to pick on relationships specifically. This can be applied to any area of your life that causes you to struggle. Notice the cycles, the spirals of your life. Look at yourself and discover why you do the things you do. It’s uncomfortable and hard at first but once you can get honest with yourself there is no turning back. Once the knowledge is there you cannot unknow it. That knowledge brings with it a responsibility to act upon it and do things differently. A wise friend of mine often reminds me that there are no mistakes, just opportunities for learning and growth.

No mistakes

Love to you all

Donna

 

Shitty Days and Smiles

Had one of those days yesterday! I hurt my finger again, yes the broken one, lost my glasses, forgot my passport paperwork somewhere and had to go back to get it, stopped at a store and the clerk thought I was really funny and tried to set me up on a date with one of her regular customers that happened to be there at the same time, and I left the window of my car open in the pouring rain. This all happened before noon, shit shit shit. Now I just noticed a hole in my favourite socks, damn. My goodness I have to laugh at myself. Of course my dear friends on Facebook, well some of them, made jibes and poked fun at me. Thanks! Most days I feel like a walking disaster then there are days that make it so. So I have to stop saying I am clumsy and forgetful and making it true. I have the grace of a swan, a weird black swan, and the memory of an elephant, I am sharp!! Add all that to the social skills of a barn cat and what do you get? A fifty three year old with an attitude and strange dancing skills. Good thing I am small, cute and lovable!

Okay, I guess I will have to explain the slightly soiled chair thing. Why does everyone think I soiled myself? My chair is slightly off white and I had a border collie that liked to roll around in the dirt outside then come in the house and rub herself along the sides and back of my chair. Her name was Terra and we had a love/tolerate relationship. She passed away and is buried on the property and I can see her grave from my chair if I sit up properly. I miss her and have not wanted to clean the chair, silly huh. I have cleaned the chair before and have owned this chair for seven years. I just cannot bring myself to clean it at this time. I miss having dog love in my life and have just signed a one year lease for a suite that has an absolutely no pet policy. I did this for a reason. I want to live pet free for a little while. I still have about 12 koi fish that each weigh over 10 pounds but they just ignore me and they can ignore the new people who look after this land.

Have I told you how much I love people? I love people all the crazy wonderful weird people. I talk to people everywhere I go. Complete strangers will come up to me in coffee shops, the grocery store, well anywhere really and I will say hello and the adventure begins. I get to hear their stories, they just start spilling their stories. This has happened even more lately and I have realized it most likely has something to do with the fact that I smile at them. I smile a lot! I also smile with my eyes so it must make me seem approachable. I’m not sure why it happens but I like it! I can almost guarantee you that if I am not smiling for a moment someone will tell me to smile. I must have a very serious face, I call it my resting bitch face, when I am not smiling. It used to annoy me when people asked me to smile, now I just tell them I was resting my face for a moment, then I smile at them.  I love people and it shows!

I pick up the keys to my new living quarters today. Since my house has not even gone on the market yet, I will essentially have two homes for a little while. So I will split my time between the new and old homes. It is almost as if the universe is slowly easing me into my new life. I was standing on the front porch with a friend on the weekend having a coffee and talking and they said you are going to miss this place. I had tried to convince myself that I wouldn’t but he was right. I am going to miss the trees that have grown over ten feet since I first moved here. I am going to miss the brilliant night sky out here in the woods, the silence, the birds, the deer, the rabbits, the owls, and especially the frogs when they sing spring into existence. I lay in my bed at night with the windows open and fall asleep to hundreds of frogs singing, a frog symphony of sound. I am going to miss living here but like everything else nothing is permanent and it is time for me to let go and move on

I question the universe and its wisdom sometimes. This usually happens when things are not going according to Donna. Why did Howard have to die so young with all his plans and dreams left unfinished, while the girl unable to make plans lives? I don’t think I will ever know the answer to that one. The plans for my future change on a daily basis. I think of something and roll it around in my heart for a while to see how it feels, nothing feels right. So my plan is to not make any concrete plans for a while, at least until my year off is up. I wonder what adventures the universe has in store for me? I do know that I have met some wonderful people now that I am not spending so much time working. The people are the important part of this journey. The people feel wonderful in my heart! The connections with others, the hugs, the love, and all the interesting and sometimes colourful stories they share. I am going to miss Sooke and my little plot of land here. I can always come back for a visit and wander into The Stick ( my favourite coffee shop) to see who is around, or visit the shops and talk to friends. Once you leave you can never really go back, things will never be the same again and I look forward to my new adventures and the people I will meet.

I am off to the passport office this morning! I will smile at the people standing in line with me and no doubt strike up a conversation or two. I challenge you to look at people and smile the next time you have to stand in line somewhere, look them in the eyes if they will let you and say hello. Don’t judge them just open yourself up to whatever they have to offer!  You never know who you are going to meet and your smile just might make someone’s day! Spread the love.

 

Hug everyone and trees

Hug lots and lots of trees

Please don’t kill spiders

Donna

 

Connections

Well it is a rainy morning with strong winds here in Sooke. I woke up at three this morning when the power was restored and the lights and music came back on. Had an interesting day yesterday, gathering information about some things that I need to take care of and about the internal world of Donna. So, I want things to move quickly and the universe keeps slowing me down. Problems keep arising to test my abilities at solving them. Roadblocks on the path I want to go running down, broken fingers, timing is off and sometimes just plain old annoying delays. I want to run and skip and the universe is asking me to slow down and smell the flowers. The universe is much wiser than I am.

I think we are trained from a young age to always be doing something. We have lost the fine art of just being with ourselves and others. You must be productive in this society to be considered of value. We once looked up to our elders for guidance and wisdom, now we push them aside and chase the fountain of youth trying to stop the natural progression that we are all going to go through. With age comes wisdom that is lost on most youth. I am enjoying my fifties with my naturally streaked grey hair, laugh lines on my face and the wisdom I have gained from my experiences. I think we need to redefine what productive and having value means. Does sitting somewhere with people, everyone’s eyes glued to their personal communication device demonstrate the disconnect we have from the world around us? I am over 50 what do I know?  I think it is rude! When I go out for lunch or dinner, I usually ( I’m not perfect) turn the damn thing off and concentrate on what is right in front of me and the people I am with. I am interested in what is going on around me. I learn a lot this way.

I check in with Facebook, read and send texts and check my email just like everyone else. I just do it when I am alone. I stopped at a local coffee shop to grab some lunch yesterday and rather than pull out my iPhone and fo the facebook thing, I ate my food and watched the people. I even made eye contact with a few people. One thing I did observe was a table full of men all over 50 with not a mobile phone in sight. They were having a great time, talking, laughing, ribbing each other and you could literally see the connection between them. My God they even hugged and touched! Few tables over a father with a baby cuddled against his chest, phone out food ignored, his wife eating lunch and looking at her phone. Did they really taste their food? They didn’t even talk to each other the entire time I was there! One more table with a lone female (she had awesome red boots on) looking at her phone. Someone came in and sat down with her and she put her phone away and with a big smile greeted the gentleman. Ten points for her! It is amazing what I notice when my phone is in my purse.

It may surprise you to know that I only purchased my cell phone three years ago because I spent a lot of time driving and wanted it for emergencies. I live in the boonies. I also still have all my family and friends phone numbers stored in my head and know when their birthdays are as well. I don’t rely on my phone all that much and am still getting used to what they term a hands free world. I liked the hands on world! I like hugging, making eye contact and touching people. I like interacting with people, not my phone. Call me please, don’t text me, I want to hear your voice! I actually texted a friend who was sitting across the table from me having lunch and it read, Hello I am over here. She looked shocked and then we actually had a conversation.

I want and need that personal connection with others. I appreciate the fact that the Internet and Facebook allow me to keep in touch with people who live far away from me, but for the people who are right here I want to see and hear them. I don’t think it is too much to ask that people shut their phones off. Try it you just might like it. Or, you will be the only one with your phone turned off and you get to watch the rest of them and trust me most of them won’t even notice you doing it. If they do catch you watching them give them a big smile and really confuse them! So check in with me through a text but please phone so I can hear you and connect with you, it means a lot to me. Did you know you can hear someone smile on the phone? Try it next time you talk to someone, smile and see if they can hear it. Okay, that’s it for today, I am going to meditate and send some healing energy to a friend Mark’s dog Riley. Have a wonderful weekend and spread some love around.

 

 

Love you all

Blessings

Donna