Five letters full of pain and wonder that is what grief is. In the midst of the pain there are some wonderous moments. Grief has a lot to offer if you are open to it. Grief can leave you laying on the floor broken and also be the catalyst for a life beyond your wildest dreams. At least that has been my experience over the last year. Life is never all positive or all negative but a beautiful blending of the two, you can’t have one without the other. Well, I suppose some people can, however, the two help define each other.
People will be there for you during rough times and offer to help. Let them help. Allowing them to be part of your grief, even in the smallest way, is your gift to them. You may all be changed by it in ways none of you expect. I know that grief has changed me and I have observed how it has changed others around me. Not all of it has been positive, but most of it has. The grief has shaped a softer, yet stronger heart in the middle of me. Funny how it works sometimes. You have to find the softness and the gentleness to find out what your true strength is. I usually think of strength as assertive, forceful, or a test of endurance. Now I see strength a little differently.
Strength comes when you are able to experience all of your emotions and see the truth behind them and how they are connected. There is no good or bad, right or wrong. Strength comes when you give in and let go. You must let go of the bullshit and the untruths to see yourself. Let go of all the beliefs and things that you think define you. There is nothing like a life shattering event to help you clear away the bullshit that you have based your sense of self on.
Grief strips away the layers you have wrapped yourself in, attempting to protect yourself from the pain of love, life and death. You cannot avoid the pain so you may as well throw yourself at it and experience it fully. It is the experience of its fullness that releases it. Go for it, things cannot feel any worse. Oh wait a minute, yes they can. All you have to do is resist it or try to ignore it and it will make you feel worse just to get your full attention. So I say, experience the pain of grief fully. Then you will begin to notice the small bits of wonder hidden inside. You will laugh, smile, cry and start living again. It is up to you whether you let it harden or soften you. I choose the softness, we have enough hardened people on this planet.
Have a soft heart
Hug people and dogs
Donna
Life in a Slightly Soiled Chair 