Let It Go Baby

Sunday was a strange and difficult day full of mishaps, anger and discoveries. I guess I do not grow when everything is going smoothly and let me tell you sometimes growing is not a graceful process for me. In fact, the morning was so spectacular that I crawled back into bed shortly after noon for a nap. One of the things that I discovered is that my authentic self is always present, she just gets covered up in the untruths that are wound around and around what is real, by myself and others. So what is true? How do you peel away all the extraneous lies, half truths and bullshit. I guess you examine every belief you have about yourself and the world around you and search out the source of it. It doesn’t sound like much fun, but it could be, depending on how you look at it.

With every layer that gets peeled off the weight that has been crushing me lessens. Some of these beliefs are buried deep and it is tough to find their origins. Some have come down through the generations, some from your religion, society, the media and any other entity that needs you to have certain beliefs to further their own agenda. The big question now is what do I believe. I remember talking to a friend when my first husband and I were parting ways. I told my friend that I didn’t believe in divorce, that was for people who didn’t try. He looked me in the eyes and laughed, then he said “Whether you believe in it or not it is happening to you.” That was the first time I traced the origins of a belief and realized it wasn’t really mine, I had been trained to believe it. So, I decided that if I am going to get divorced I am going to make it the best possible divorce I can have. People had lots of advice for me but even back then I looked deep within my own heart and did what I needed to do. The two of us had hurt each other enough and I was not going to allow that to continue, despite the fact that the lawyers and my family all thought I was crazy. I did it with heart.

I now examine things on a regular basis. Sometimes it is easier than others. I have a resistance in me called my ego. Now this ego is a self centered creature and does not want to change anything let alone a belief system. That little voice inside my head that constantly has an opinion and tries to keep the status quo by playing upon my fears and feeding the untruths. Untruths sounds so much better than lies doesn’t it? Nobody likes a liar. So now I know where some of these beliefs come from and that my ego tries to bolster them. What is a woman supposed to do? Well, you look the little liar in the eyes and say enough. You tame that voice until it sits there quietly and becomes the best little ego it can be. You do this by observing your ego’s childlike antics, practicing meditation, yoga, or anything else that works for you and then letting go. Did I mention letting go? Letting go of the beliefs that never served you well, letting go of the ego’s hold on you, and the unrealistic expectations you have of yourself and others. Breathe and let go. Trust. Trust yourself.

Once the letting go becomes part of your life funny things start to happen. I want you to discover them on your own, but as a teaser good days will far out number bad days, laughter will burst out of you more often, and moments of joy for simple things will occur more frequently. The truth was always present, you were born knowing it. Once all the lies and untruths are stripped away you are left standing in your truth all naked and vulnerable like a baby. But a baby with years of worldly experience who lives from the heart, cause really the most important and beautiful things are all about seeing the world through your heart and eyes brimming with love. So, get out there and spread the love and help support others to do the same. Provide them with a safe space to unwind the layers of untruths that are crushing their souls and causing them pain. Please do it gently, they are babies after all.

 

Peace and love

May you be hugged a lot today

Donna

 

A Fool’s Path

For most of my life I have needed 8 hours of sleep in order to function. Now if I get 5 hours, I am doing well and functioning just fine. I have wondered what has brought about this change in sleeping patterns. I could attribute it to all the changes that have taken place for me in the last six months, but my instincts say it is this release of new creative energy that is running through me. There is a new thirst for life that fuels me. My dreams have also taken on new attributes. They have always been very vivid, colourful and if I woke up in the middle of one it would continue right where it left off like someone had pressed pause then play when I return to sleep. I used to remember my dreams in great detail, now I don’t even remember dreaming during the night. I find this to be strange but interesting.

I can still remember certain dreams that I had years ago as if they happened yesterday. Sometimes I have had the same dream repeatedly over the years. I started writing this last night and this morning I remembered a dream woohoo! So in this dream I had a friend who was severely injured and there we were in an old Viking settlement about to participate in a purification ritual when Taylor Swift knocked on the door looking for me. Weird right? That is the way my dreams are. I can smell things, taste things ( I don’t like the stuff the Vikings drink in my dream and there was no coffee damn it) and this dream was in black and white except for Taylor’s red toque and blonde hair. If you can analyze that, call me. My dreams have always seemed so real to me. Those are the dreams I have when I am asleep.

Now for the waking dreams. You know the ones where you imagine what your future will look like. I don’t have those, never have. I can read a poem and it will come alive in my mind and heart. When people tell me their stories I can see them as if watching a movie. Ask me to imagine what I want in the future and yup you guessed it, I get nothing, just a big blank spot. Plan my blog posts ahead of time, cannot do it. I sit down to write and the words come out. I plan it ahead of time and it never gets published. I have absolutely no idea whee this post is heading as I type it. I wonder why I can’t dream or imagine my future? It’s not like I don’t make plans or set goals. I do on a regular basis but for the most part I just stumble into things including my future. I just never know where I am going to end up. Sometimes it feels like there is no point in imagining my future because I seem to be led by an unseen hand into it, regardless of my plans. I always end up where I need to be and sometimes it doesn’t make sense until later. One minute I am looking for a yoga bag and the next thing I know I am starting a business that leads me to a number of people that have become hugely important in my life. You know all the things you are supposed to do before you start a business I did not do any of it, none of it. No grand plans, I was compelled to start a business and everything just fell into place. No training, no preparation and off I went stumbling into a business.  It was a beautiful thing!

One thing I have discovered is that because of all this I have the ability to take great big leaps of faith. A bit of a crooked path to get to the point of this story, yes, crooked even for me. So I guess the whole point of this is the only expectation I have is that I will know what to do and where to go. I live my life in the moment for the most part and when I get a nudge from the universe I jump. That is how this blog happened as well. My life is like that movie Field of Dreams. I have faith and though people around me sometimes think I am a little odd, I just smile because I know that I will be guided to the people, places and things I need. I have no expectations in most situations, I just see things unfold in my life as though I am both watching and participating in the movie of Donna. This I believe to be my truth, don’t get so wrapped up in your dreams of the future that you miss the signs and opportunities that are in front of you right now. We need the planners, the visionaries, the builders and we also need those of us who dance to the beat of a drum that is unheard by many.  We are the fools, the happy happy fools who skip down a crooked path stopping to smell the flowers and talk to the wildlife along the way.

Dedicated to my fellow fools with their big big hearts
Love ya, Donna