Greetings From the Dandelion Whisperer

I had an interesting experience when I hosted a small group at my home last week. I had bought some fresh flowers for the table. I bought mums and tulips and divided them between two vases. One vase was for the table and one for the bathroom. I don’t understand it, but I love having flowers in the bathroom. I cut the stems at different heights and arranged them in a haphazard fashion in my Grandmother’s red crystal vase. Beautiful right? They were a little messy and it drove a friend of mine, who works with flowers for a living, a little crazy. I think she actually winced when she saw them! She asked me if she could do something with them and I said sure! I wanted to see what a professional would do with them and I watched very closely. Watching her just hold the flowers filled me with delight, she has a special connection to them and this was going to be wonderful! She turned my motley arrangement of flowers into a beautiful, photo worthy creation. Then she looked at my face. If my mouth doesn’t give me away my face will. I really loved the arrangement and smile every time I look at them. What bothered me was I realized that for some people my wild ways were not all that attractive.

I’m a little messy and disorganized, so was my flower arrangement. I like to think of myself as a little wild, free spirited, outspoken slightly crazy person. People don’t necessarily respond as I would hope to my craziness and all the other wonderful attributes I have. They want to reign me in and turn me into some neat and tidy flower arrangement, because it makes them more comfortable! Not only are those flowers a reflection of me and how people respond to me, they are also a reflection of the person who felt the need to arrange them that way. I do not want to be tamed!!! I do not want to conform. I do not want to be like anyone else. My wild and messy flowers were now a neat and tidy but beautiful arrangement. I must drive some people crazy with my spontaneous and fly by the seat of my pants life! Good! If you are one of them and are reading this (I wish I could type that raspberry noise) I am sticking my tongue out like a five year old. God people are so serious. Fuck, loosen up people!

Even though I can be messy, I straighten things. When I go to your house I will straighten your artwork, fix the towels in your bathroom, line shoes up and if you let me, put your spices in alphabetical order. I will be moving to a new place in a few weeks. This will be only the second time in my life I had a place of my own where there was no one around to have an opinion on anything and there is a part of my that wants to dance for joy!   I am going to hang some pictures at odd angles just to remind myself of my need to line things up and also see who goes slightly crazy from all the crookedness. My lawn is another great example of my life. There it is 2.5 acres of wildness. I love seeing the dandelions and all the little weeds and funny things that pop up out of the ground. My late husband spent a lot of time in the yard cutting, trimming and pruning that wildness into submission. He never did that to me! He told me once that when he started the lawn tractor he swore that I went outside and talked to the dandelions and told them to duck when he mowed over them! There were always some dandelions left and I think he left them there on purpose just to make me smile.  God, I miss that man!

It is 5 am on a Saturday morning and I am waiting for a response from my flower arranging friend to use this story. I don’t want to make her uncomfortable, that was not the point. I love her, she is creative, funny and a joy to know. I just wanted to explore the flower arrangement and what it represented for me. So, how are your flowers arranged? I just want to sit back and watch people be themself without judging them. Observe people and at some point you will notice yourself being reflected back at you. Right and wrong is a societal and individual construct. Don’t judge just explore. So next time you mow the lawn think of me, the dandelion whisperer! I will be here rolling on the floor laughing my ass off!

Vaginal Angst

My idea of the perfect relationship at this point in my life sounds something like this. I have my own home, they have their own home and we can each have toiletries and a few changes of clothing at each other’s homes. I want to have my own space and I also want to have a full on mind and heart filled relationship. I don’t think that is too much to ask for, do you? At this point I don’t want to live in the same house with anyone day in and day out. Hell, I don’t even think we need to live in the same city. Travel with them sure, spend lots of time together that is great, them getting to have a say in every choice I make, I am not so sure about that. I am open to changing my mind about it however.

I had a friend stop by for coffee today and he had his seventy something father with him. Both are sweet gentlemen that are not afraid of conversation with an outspoken female who talks about anything but the weather. We are all single and had a wonderful conversation about relationships. When I told them what my idea was the father piped up and said “right on, that is exactly what I am doing.” I almost fell out of my chair with glee and actually told him if only there wasn’t a 20 plus years age difference between us he would be mine! 

Now I don’t want you to get the impression that I have anything against members of the opposite sex. I do not and I know a number of wonderful men. Most of them just happen to be happily married to friends of mine or in a relationship with someone they adore. I like men, they are fun to look at. I particularly like the angles of their faces and the way they move. I don’t even care if they are handsome by societal standards, I like their faces! I especially like a face that is lived in, one with some character. I love it when their eyes crinkle up when they smile. I don’t like pretty men, yes I said it!  I am not proud of it, but there it is. I don’t trust pretty men. I certainly don’t want to date a man who is so vain it takes them forever to get ready. I am a no make up kind of woman who is out the door from the start of my shower to grabbing my car keys in 40 minutes or less. I should tell you that it takes me 10 minutes to find my keys on an average day. I don’t worry about what the wind and weather are doing to my hair, I have more important things to think about.

I think about how far we can take a conversation on religious beliefs, what men think about when they are sitting in the passenger seat of my car, what their opinion is on reincarnation, what they think was the reason for the breakdown of their last relationship, or have they ever seen a Sasquatch! I think about everything but my hair and lack of make up. I have nice hair, I like it. It is straight, falls to my shoulders and is naturally streaked. It is easy to look after and my hair stylist will not let me chop it all off because I look like a small elf when my hair is short!

Having said all of the above, being single at 53 scares me a bit. I don’t know if I will find anyone who will love me and put up with my crazy shit. I am hopeful that there is someone out there who thinks I am delightful and finds my antics amusing. I love teasing banter and would hope they do as well. Otherwise, they are just going to feel picked on. I have decided to call this my vaginal angst stage of life. So the next time someone says, “What is up with her?” You can say “Vaginal angst, isn’t she adorable?” and walk away.

Dedicated to Arkemedes
Peace and love to all

Donna