The urge to write this morning got me out of bed at 5:45. This has not happened for a while so I thought I would take advantage of it. I am sitting in my slightly soiled chair with my yellow mug of steaming coffee and life is good. Oh good, the colour of my coffee mug reminded me that I wanted to tell you about this tree that sits beside the path to my door. This tree has beautiful hanging golden blossoms, almost like a wisteria, and when I walked by it yesterday it was literally buzzing. I realized that the tree was filled with hundreds of bees, yes hundreds of bees working amongst the flowers. Despite the fact that I am deathly allergic to stings, I love bees and their contribution to life on this planet. Without bees we cannot survive for long. So allergy or not I smile every time I pass this tree and am grateful for it and the bees.
The bees also remind me of productivity and being part of a group working towards a greater whole. Every bee counts! While the bees pollinate the planet and bring beautiful life to this world, for me they can also mean death. Just like everything and every person on the planet there is more than one aspect to everything. Bees are so much more than just pollinators. Just like we are so much more than the labels we have constructed. The other thing that it brings to mind is how much we as people drag our past with us into the present and the future. We base our expectations of and our interactions with others on our past experiences with others. People betrayed your trust so now you don’t trust anyone. Your heart was broken so now you guard it and don’t share it fully with anyone, after all they are just going to break it right?
I say fuck the past! Some of that stuff was not fun to live through so why in the hell would I want approach the world and other people based on it. Have I been betrayed, lied to, had my heart broken, been manipulated, gossiped about and had my life threatened? Yes, yes I have. The biggest gift the universe has given me is choice. Regardless of what has happened in my past I have the ability to choose how I will respond. So the day I started this blog in January, that is the day that I wiped the slate clean. I decided to treat everyone I meet with an open heart and unconditional acceptance. If I have an issue with someone I look inside myself not at them. Oh there are some assholes out there and while I meet them with love and acceptance I also realize that some people are difficult to like let alone love and I don’t waste much time on them.
For example, if someone in my life does something and I find myself getting annoyed or pissed off I take a few minutes and sit with that feeling. I get intimate with it so I can see what is really going on. What lies underneath? What the other person did was only a trigger for something else. I am talking about the little things here. The little things that people do that annoy you and drive you crazy. You know, leaving the cap off the toothpaste, wet towels on the floor, never being on time, etc. etc. They are little things in the grand scheme of things. You choose to make them big things for reasons that have nothing to do with the acts themselves. It is what lies beneath the towel on the floor that drives you crazy. What that towel on the floor represents and brings up for you is the issue. Look at that. The universe sends us signs and symbols all the time to help us understand our true purpose. Perhaps the towel is one of them. The universe constantly reflects things back to us. If the cap off the toothpaste represents a lack of respect or care then perhaps the universe is reflecting how that person feels inside. Are you respecting them and treating them with love and care?
Now for the big things! Yup, life and people have thrown some shitty things my way. Despite the fact that I have been lied to and betrayed, I am not afraid to risk my heart. To me it is harder to keep it guarded and closed off because that just makes me miserable. What I find difficult is being judged by the ghosts of other peoples past. If I am angry or upset by something I will tell you. I won’t make you guess and I do not play games or make snide remarks. People have done that to you before, I understand that. I can also see through it and know what lies underneath simply because I look. I look and I feel and I remember what it was like when it happened to me.
There are a number of things going on here. I treat other people the way I would like to be treated plain and simple. If I am not capable of giving something I am also not capable of receiving it. Like attracts like. If you want love treat those around you with love. Not all of them are going to reciprocate because not all of them are capable of it. Accept that and move on. Move forward and surround yourself with the people who are capable. Look inward for the source of your troubles because the only consistent thing in all of your relationships is you! The changes must start within before they can move out into the world and the world responds in kind.
So, what happens when you look underneath the towel? You see much more than a wet floor! You see your own vulnerability, your fears, your unmet desires, your regrets and it bothers you. It bothers you and it bothers you until you deal with what lies beneath the towel. Once you do, you can deal with the towel itself. Then you can get rid of the towel and dance naked with the other happy fools who had the strength and courage to deal with the towels in their life.
Much love to you all