Random Thoughts

Slept in my new bed last night! Let me tell you, bamboo sheets are amazingly soft and silky! I own a lot of bamboo clothing but never really thought about sheets before. Lot’s of firsts for me this year! When I envisioned my life in my fifties it did not look like this: single, living on my own, selling my home and vehicles and getting ready to travel a bit. Oh yes let’s not forget the dating! Dating after all this time is more difficult and also easier in some ways.  I have a much better idea of who I am and what I want but the process is not quick nor is it easy.  There seems to be a growing number of people between the ages of 50 and 70 who are single and we are going to be the ones who rewrite what a relationship is defined as.  We are involved in a relationship revolution of sorts, the old ways of being and thinking are being tossed aside and new ways of doing things are forming.  Exciting times!

The last few weeks have been fairly busy and due to a lack of sleep and not eating properly, I have come down with a cold or the flu, not sure which yet. I wonder why we say have come down with something? It doesn’t really make sense, does it? I do not like colds! I particularly do not like the runny/ stuffy nose part of it. So I have gathered all my natural cold fighting ingredients and have got to work zapping this cold. I am armed with essential oils, teas, homeopathic remedies and food. I wonder i they make bamboo tissues? I will have to check it out.

Living in two houses is difficult. In fact, I spend most of my time right now driving from one to the other. Trying to remember what is in each house is a pain in the ass. I forgot my hair dryer and other tools at the other house last night. So now I either have to drive there with wet hair or wait to have my shower. Now I just remembered there is none of my favourite soap at that house. See what I mean, pain in the ass. I am not generally a super organized person and this requires some skill in that area. It will make my life interesting that is for sure.

Despite the fact that I am a little outspoken and don’t have a strong filter on my thoughts and mouth most times, I still have trouble communicating the important things. I have difficulty asking for help, discussing my feelings and emotions, stating my wants and needs and you get the picture. I am looking at this closely. I don’t give a hoot about what the general population thinks but I do care about the thoughts and feelings of those close to me. Funny how I clam up around the people whose opinion matters to me. I have more at stake with them I suppose.

I haven’t wanted to write for the last few days. I have a lot to process. Things are changing so fast I can barely keep up. I am looking forward to this next chapter of my life and trust the universe to provide me with whatever I need. The people and the experiences I require to grow further are already in place, I just need to let go and trust.

Peace and love to you all
Donna

The Spirals of Your Life

I was thinking about spirals today and how life seems to go in cycles like a spiral circling around and around. If you don’t learn the lesson the first time, wait for it, the universe will present it to you again in a slightly different manner. Isn’t that wonderful? What a nice universe. So pay attention or you get to repeat your relationships problems, family issues, money troubles and anything else you struggle with over and over again until you get the message and learn the lesson.

I was having a conversation with someone a few years ago and they were complaining about their relationships and wondering why women treated them this way. Two failed marriages (didn’t learn the lesson the first time) and they were trying to figure out what was wrong. Being the sympathetic type I asked him what was the only thing that those two relationships had in common. He didn’t know so I pointed it out, the only thing they had in common was him! It did not go well for a moment, then the light went on and he started laughing. I think that as long as we believe the problem originates with someone other than us, we will not learn the lesson and are destined to have the same issues repeatedly. We pick the same type of person or we keep doing the same thing and expect different results.

Granted, most of us seem to be drawn to a type, but why? What makes us gravitate towards a certain physical or personality type when we look for someone to have a relationship with. We place a lot of limits on the criteria for our choices. You pick the strong and silent type only to end up resenting them because they don’t talk to you. You picked them! You picked that person so you could continue playing out the drama and learn the lesson. Once you learn the lesson you have some choices. You can chose to stay in that relationship, hopefully you have both grown and can maintain that, or you can let go, cut your losses and stop torturing each other. Some relationships are built on a strong foundation and can withstand the pressures of individual growth, which can lead to mutual growth.  So they picked you and you picked them and you both had reasons for doing so.  It is so simple and yet so complicated at the same time.

Do you have a type? Do you pick the same person over and over again? Do you have the same issues in every relationship? You, yes you, are the key. It is not about them, it is about you, your choices and your willingness to learn and grow. I didn’t mean to pick on relationships specifically. This can be applied to any area of your life that causes you to struggle. Notice the cycles, the spirals of your life. Look at yourself and discover why you do the things you do. It’s uncomfortable and hard at first but once you can get honest with yourself there is no turning back. Once the knowledge is there you cannot unknow it. That knowledge brings with it a responsibility to act upon it and do things differently. A wise friend of mine often reminds me that there are no mistakes, just opportunities for learning and growth.

No mistakes

Love to you all

Donna

 

Shitty Days and Smiles

Had one of those days yesterday! I hurt my finger again, yes the broken one, lost my glasses, forgot my passport paperwork somewhere and had to go back to get it, stopped at a store and the clerk thought I was really funny and tried to set me up on a date with one of her regular customers that happened to be there at the same time, and I left the window of my car open in the pouring rain. This all happened before noon, shit shit shit. Now I just noticed a hole in my favourite socks, damn. My goodness I have to laugh at myself. Of course my dear friends on Facebook, well some of them, made jibes and poked fun at me. Thanks! Most days I feel like a walking disaster then there are days that make it so. So I have to stop saying I am clumsy and forgetful and making it true. I have the grace of a swan, a weird black swan, and the memory of an elephant, I am sharp!! Add all that to the social skills of a barn cat and what do you get? A fifty three year old with an attitude and strange dancing skills. Good thing I am small, cute and lovable!

Okay, I guess I will have to explain the slightly soiled chair thing. Why does everyone think I soiled myself? My chair is slightly off white and I had a border collie that liked to roll around in the dirt outside then come in the house and rub herself along the sides and back of my chair. Her name was Terra and we had a love/tolerate relationship. She passed away and is buried on the property and I can see her grave from my chair if I sit up properly. I miss her and have not wanted to clean the chair, silly huh. I have cleaned the chair before and have owned this chair for seven years. I just cannot bring myself to clean it at this time. I miss having dog love in my life and have just signed a one year lease for a suite that has an absolutely no pet policy. I did this for a reason. I want to live pet free for a little while. I still have about 12 koi fish that each weigh over 10 pounds but they just ignore me and they can ignore the new people who look after this land.

Have I told you how much I love people? I love people all the crazy wonderful weird people. I talk to people everywhere I go. Complete strangers will come up to me in coffee shops, the grocery store, well anywhere really and I will say hello and the adventure begins. I get to hear their stories, they just start spilling their stories. This has happened even more lately and I have realized it most likely has something to do with the fact that I smile at them. I smile a lot! I also smile with my eyes so it must make me seem approachable. I’m not sure why it happens but I like it! I can almost guarantee you that if I am not smiling for a moment someone will tell me to smile. I must have a very serious face, I call it my resting bitch face, when I am not smiling. It used to annoy me when people asked me to smile, now I just tell them I was resting my face for a moment, then I smile at them.  I love people and it shows!

I pick up the keys to my new living quarters today. Since my house has not even gone on the market yet, I will essentially have two homes for a little while. So I will split my time between the new and old homes. It is almost as if the universe is slowly easing me into my new life. I was standing on the front porch with a friend on the weekend having a coffee and talking and they said you are going to miss this place. I had tried to convince myself that I wouldn’t but he was right. I am going to miss the trees that have grown over ten feet since I first moved here. I am going to miss the brilliant night sky out here in the woods, the silence, the birds, the deer, the rabbits, the owls, and especially the frogs when they sing spring into existence. I lay in my bed at night with the windows open and fall asleep to hundreds of frogs singing, a frog symphony of sound. I am going to miss living here but like everything else nothing is permanent and it is time for me to let go and move on

I question the universe and its wisdom sometimes. This usually happens when things are not going according to Donna. Why did Howard have to die so young with all his plans and dreams left unfinished, while the girl unable to make plans lives? I don’t think I will ever know the answer to that one. The plans for my future change on a daily basis. I think of something and roll it around in my heart for a while to see how it feels, nothing feels right. So my plan is to not make any concrete plans for a while, at least until my year off is up. I wonder what adventures the universe has in store for me? I do know that I have met some wonderful people now that I am not spending so much time working. The people are the important part of this journey. The people feel wonderful in my heart! The connections with others, the hugs, the love, and all the interesting and sometimes colourful stories they share. I am going to miss Sooke and my little plot of land here. I can always come back for a visit and wander into The Stick ( my favourite coffee shop) to see who is around, or visit the shops and talk to friends. Once you leave you can never really go back, things will never be the same again and I look forward to my new adventures and the people I will meet.

I am off to the passport office this morning! I will smile at the people standing in line with me and no doubt strike up a conversation or two. I challenge you to look at people and smile the next time you have to stand in line somewhere, look them in the eyes if they will let you and say hello. Don’t judge them just open yourself up to whatever they have to offer!  You never know who you are going to meet and your smile just might make someone’s day! Spread the love.

 

Hug everyone and trees

Hug lots and lots of trees

Please don’t kill spiders

Donna

 

Mental What?

When I was twenty three I got married and moved from the only home I had ever known on the east coast all the way across the country to Vancouver Island. I also suffered my first panic attack shortly after that. I thought I had a heart attack and was rushed by ambulance to the hospital where they declared me physically fine, said it was just a panic attack and sent me home. I had no idea at that time that anxiety and the associated panic attacks were going to lead me on a painful and wonderful journey of discovery.  At one point in my late twenties these attacks were so bad that I could not leave the house on my own. My own territory, my home, was a safe place where I could control the environment and who entered it.  Just going across the parking lot to get lunch at work was a walk of extreme discomfort. At work I was fine, at home I was fine, or was I? I had trouble breathing, got frequent chest pains, headaches, suffered from severe stomach issues and the list goes on. Living in a constant state of fear is hard on you physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Living in a constant state of anxiety is like being slowly buried alive and not being able to do anything about it, you are frozen with fear.

I did not get my drivers liscence until I was in my thirties and still deal with panic attacks when I have to drive somewhere that I am not familiar with, though the severity of them has lessened over time. I have to tell you that I have driven across most of Canada now, woohoo!  I would like to be able to tell you that there was one magic thing that fixed it all but there was not. It was a whole bunch of little things learned and ways of being that were incorporated into my life in small increments that helped. I also had help from professionals and non professionals. I also encourage anyone with any type of problem to reach out for help. Apparently some would consider this to be a form of mental illness, though I do not label myself in that way. From what I have seen over the years everyone suffers from some form of mental illness even if it is just an grossly overblown sense of self importance.  Just take a look at the Trump disaster that is going on with our neighbours to the south. Do you think he is displaying any level of sane thought or action, or the country as a whole is thinking with their right mind?  We are seeing only a small part of the picture. The anxiety and panic attacks are only a small part of you, though they can take over your life. I think as a society we are too caught up in labels. Every one has felt fear, anxiety and panic at some point in their lives. For some of us the dance with them lasts longer and for others the dance only ends with their death. Please reach out to people and keep reaching out until you find someone that you can relate to. I have worked extremely hard to get to the point I am at today, so I understand the struggles people face. Their struggles might not be exactly the same, but if we focus on the differences there will never be any understanding of the other.  I won’t lie it will not be easy.  Nothing worth having ever is.  You are worth it so fight, dig, cry, scream, but do the work.  You. Are. Worth. It.

I did not expect to write this post and quite frankly I am not all that comfortable doing it, but once again the universe compels me to speak. Okay universe I will go with this, but know I am not happy about it. This makes me vulnerable and I know based on previous experiences that I will be judged by some people and loved by others for my honesty and candor. I have no control over how others will react to this. I want you to know that most of these panic attacks and severe anxiety episodes have taken place in private. I still have them happen in public and this is when I say slightly inappropriate things or my behaviour seems a bit off. I laughed so hard at a funeral that I had to get up and leave, people thought I was sobbing in grief and I was almost peeing my pants with laughter! Yup, I’m a giggle at a funeral. Sometimes I look away from you when I am speaking to collect myself and so you do not see the pain or anxiety. Most of you don’t notice. People who know me socially, may be surprised by this post. Those who know me on an intimate level have seen me struggle, overcome, struggle again and grow and grow and glow.  Little typo there but I’m going to keep the glow, I like it.  It fits.

What do you think when you hear the words mental illness? It sends shivers up my spine let me tell ya. I want nothing to do with that. I had a friend who was a psychologist and I had a chat with him one day. I told him that I thought I might be crazy and gave him a few examples of why I thought this.  He told me nope you are just human and the secret is that the really crazy ones would never even question their sanity, they are the serial killers, the Hitler’s of the world and the ones with no thought of anyone or anything but themselves. God, I loved that man and miss him still. Thanks John for helping me realize my humanity was showing and heal myself.   I loved his down to earth perspective on life and am grateful for the short time I got to spend with him.

So our societal and medical systems love labels but labels don’t take into account that we are so much more than just that and capable of so much more than we ever thought possible.  I think that what I am supposed to remind you of today is that you are so much more. You are so much more than your fears, insecurities, doubts and struggles. You are also enough, more than enough and much more lovable than you believe. Your ability to heal is also far greater than you have been led to believe. You are uncomfortable and fearful for a reason. Get help and discover the reason. There is always an underlying reason. Do not be afraid of uncovering what lies underneath.  I know it is extremely difficult and I would hold your hand through it if I could. The truth of it all will set you free from the prison that anxiety has you caged in. Today I will leave you with a poem that I wrote a few years ago about a crystal called sodalite. I had to get out of bed in the middle of the night to write the poem down so I could go back to sleep. The stone wanted to speak. This dark blue stone is related to your voice, throat chakra and speaking your truth. My wish for each of you is that you are always provided with the help you need and you live your truth with love and compassion. I also hope you find your voice and use it to help others.  Much love to all of you.

 

Cold, blue, stone of truth

Release the bonds of silence

That fear has wrapped

Around my soul

The truth inside me is released

With quiet strength

I find my voice

In the middle of my thoughts and feelings

My hearts sings with freedom

Arms raised to the night

I dance with my tears

Under a cold, blue, sky

Reach out and hug someone

Judge none

Donna

 

The Universe Speaks

Yes! I managed to get six hours of solid sleep last night! Woke up thinking about starting a walking group in the new area I am moving to and I hear very clearly in my left ear someone say sisters. In some cultures the left side of your body is considered the female or yin aspect. So it would make sense the word sisters is said in my left ear. Okay universe I am listening but what the heck does this mean? I believe that we are constantly being given guidance and we just have to pay attention. One word doesn’t necessarily give me a view of the whole picture, but I will pay attention over the next few days and see what else falls into place.

When I sit down to write in the morning I rarely have any idea what I am going to write about. I am a fly by the seat of your pants kind of person so this is okay with me. So off I go willy nilly through my life and just stumble into people and situations never worrying about the small details of things. Just like I started this blog, I just started it, no planning, no idea what I was going to write about. I felt compelled to do this and the words just started flowing. Who cares about grammar and sentence structure, communication and giving myself a voice are the key points. If the universe gives me too much time to think about things I cannot make a move. I get frozen with the options, choices and decisions and just spin in circles never moving forward. The universe is much wiser than I am so I constantly get thrown into things that I wouldn’t usually think are good ideas then a little while later realize they were exactly what I needed at that time. By the way, because I do not follow any one religious or spiritual path, I use the term universe where some would say God, Allah, Jehova etc. This is not me being anti religious it is just my belief system and method for making sense of the world. You have your way, I have my way. Isn’t that wonderful?

So I have told you about my relationship with animals and how they give me info. So the kangaroo sent me a message about moving forward not backward. Last night there were two animals that stood out for me, one was a baboon who shook his red butt at me and a very quiet hyena. At this point I do not have a clear idea what either of those animals were trying to say. I do know that baboons are communicators and hyenas in some cases represent choice of words as in choose your words wisely. Hyenas know when to shut up! The other animal that showed up was a beautiful palomino horse and horses have been popping into my mind a lot lately so I paid attention. Horses for the most part represent power and freedom and this one just popped into view again nodding his head. So this is the way my mind works and yes I realize that to some I will sound crazy, but I no longer care about that.

Kangaroo– moving forward

Baboon– communication. ( was the butt wiggle saying don’t talk through your ass lol)

Hyena– kind words, choose words wisely

Horse–power and freedom

What I get from this –to keep moving forward on this path, the act of communication is very important but to choose my words wisely. There is power in this for me if it is used properly and I will experience a kind of freedom because of it. One more animal that has shown up is a Pegasus and his message last night was more voice, more voice but refine it. So folks there you have it.

They speak and I listen. I was wondering if I should continue with the blog. What am I doing this for? Well the universe got me to start this blog and will continue to guide me. The people who need to read what I have written will find it and the people who don’t need it will not read it. The only way I can refine my writing is to practice, practice, practice.  Simple right? Nothing is ever simple despite how it looks on the surface. I have been given an opportunity to say what I need to say and in a sense this has provided great growth for me and has helped me sort through my feelings around the changes that have taken place in my life. The future is always uncertain. Regardless of your dreams or plans, things are going to happen so don’t be too attached to the outcome. Just sit back and enjoy the wonderful ride the universe will take you on if you let it.

Peace and love to all

Don’t forget to be grateful!

Donna

She Walks With A Raven

It is 5:30 am and the fire is going, coffee is brewing and yup here I am all snuggled up in my chair with a blanket that I made. I need some comfort this morning. The last time I glanced at the clock it read 3:30.   I have had two hours sleep and I rarely have trouble sleeping. What is going on? There are a few things that can keep me awake at night, excited anticipation (no, it is not that) or a restlessness that is usually a harbinger of a unexpected huge change in my life. This has happened to me a few times in my life and this time I’m nervous. Good God how much change can I possibly handle in one year! It is almost as if on some level a huge shift is taking place and I can feel it in my bones. I am moving next week, but I have known about that for over a month. I don’t think that is it. This one is going to be a game changer, I can feel it. I do not feel as though I am ready for it. Am I ever truly ready when the universe literally rocks my world? Nope but I stumble into the future with a huge grin anyway.

My life is strange by some’s standards. I have friends who can predict earthquakes, see people who have crossed to the other side, heal broken bones with the energy that flows through them, and one or two who channel their spirit guides. How do I know these people, well, I am one of them. I decided that I have avoided this subject long enough. I have one or two friends who have seen people who have crossed over since they were small children. The world has not been kind to them. The world is never kind to people who are different and by world I mean the people.   People who tell a child that she is being seduced by the devil, need to spend some time in hell. I don’t really care if people believe that I can see some of the things I can see. I certainly cannot prove it to them but damn it don’t treat me like the spawn of satan. I as well as my friends do things from our hearts and most of us would not even hurt a fly. We would trap them gently and put them outside. We see things you may not and because of this we walk very softly on this earth.

I remember sitting on the bus with my mother when I was approx five years old. I pointed to a woman sitting across from us and said, “look at the pretty camel Mom.” My mother was not impressed and I am sure the woman wasn’t either. I was told that it was not polite to tell people they looked like a camel. What they didn’t know was that my young eyes saw the camel with her snuggled up close like a part of her but I did not think she looked like one. I stopped telling people what I saw and just ignored the animals because that would mean I was crazy right. When people hear that I see spirit animals they react in one of two ways, they either get extremely uncomfortable or they ask me if I can see their animal. If I am uncomfortable I see nothing and to be honest I don’t go looking unless someone asks me or the animal just pops up begging for my attention. People deserve their privacy and i don’t invade that privacy. I have had an animal with me since the day I was born and it warns me of danger and has literally saved my life once or twice. My raven is huge and he makes a noise that sounds like laughter. I walk through this world with a raven beside me. When there is danger nearby or I need to pay attention to something ravens and crows in nature will start acting strangely around me. This has happened many times and I always pay attention.

If I run into people and the animals show themselves it is usually to give me information me about the person. For example, I know to be wary if I see a weasel around someone. It tells me that the person is subtle and sneaky and will use others to meet their own needs all under the guise of being helpful and they watch people to learn their weaknesses. Now if the weasel is hissing ( do weasels actually hiss?) or aggressive that is quite different than if the weasel is all curled up and gentle. One makes me wary the other doesn’t. The soft gentle weasel is comfortable with their surroundings and they are great at seeing under the surface of things, they are also fiercely protective over the people they love. God this is difficult to write about. Still thinking I am a little crazy? It gets even more strange.

The animals give me information immediately that I normally would have discovered over time. They do not tell me your secrets! Even this ability is starting to change for me. Animals have always acted in strange ways around me. Horses that the owner swears are gentle will rise up, hooves pawing the air and head tossing wildly. My friend’s birds hide when I come near their cage. Cats usually avoid me and I love cats. Birds in nature swoop at my head all the time. I was attacked by a group of dogs when I was younger and have been terrified of strange dogs ever since. This fear is slowly starting to leave me and having dogs in my life has helped tremendously. I actually met some Great Danes yesterday and while the thought of it terrified me it wasn’t bad at all. They were like the gentle giants of the dog world and have such huge hearts. So while in the past they have reacted to me in some not so cuddly ways now it’s like they want to rub themselves all over me. They know I can understand them and this is the new thing, your pets are talking to me. I don’t actually hear voices it is more like feelings and just knowing. They don’t give away your secrets either! They love you and they do not judge you. Lately I have had a few animals show me things but I have to be very calm and comfortable around them and you in order for this to happen. Given my past I am not comfortable all that often around animals or people.

Why have I come out of the animal closet this morning? I am not sure. Maybe it has something to do with the restlessness of last night that has still not left me. Perhaps I just am tired of not being able to talk about it except with my closest friends. The animals in our lives and nature have much to teach us. Has your dog ever reacted strangely to someone? Pay attention to that, it can tell you a lot. Why did animals react so strongly to me in the past? I think it may have to do with the fact that I usually travel with a zoo of spirit animals and when I was uncomfortable so was the zoo. Perhaps your animals were reacting to me and the spirit animals discomfort. I may never know the answer. All I know is that this is changing and I am willing to explore it so I can no longer hide it.  I give thanks to all the animals both the real and the spirit ones for teaching me what it is like to be human. I give thanks for all the love they have shown me and the trust they have given to share their feelings with me. Okay animal kingdom bring it, I am now ready.

 

 

Walk gently

Hug lots

Donna

 

 

 

Crones, Warriors and Kangaroos

Did you know that kangaroos cannot move backwards only forward? I woke up at my usual time this morning and the blog post started forming in my mind. Then I fell back to sleep and had a dream about kangaroos. I cannot remember the blog post that had started forming, all I can think about is kangaroos. When the universe puts something in my path or my mind I pay attention to it, well most of the time anyway. So what information does the kangaroo have for me? I think I hit on the message with the first sentence, forward momentum only. I can’t go backwards though I can cause myself a lot of suffering by living in the past in my mind. Okay, universe forward it is.

The other thing that popped into my mind this morning while I waited for coffee was spiritual warriors and the feminine energies maiden, mother and crone (read wise woman). I think most self aware women are spiritual warriors. According to Wikipedia, “The term spiritual warrior is used in Buddhism for one who combats the universal enemy: self-ignorance (avidya), the ultimate source of suffering according to Buddhist philosophy.[1] A heroic being with a brave mind and ethical impulse. Different from other paths, which focus on individual salvation, the spiritual warrior’s only complete and right practice is that which compassionately helps other beings with wisdom.” I would have to say I know a few of these people and they can be any age, race, or sex. So why does that term keep popping into my head? I realize that the term warrior is mostly associated with war but in this case it is more about the internal war that takes place inside of each of us. It takes experience, training, discipline and heart to be a spiritual warrior and offer yourself to the world.

I don’t think of myself as a spiritual warrior at this point, I describe myself more as a crone. The word crone seems to have a negative connotation to it and images of wrinkled old women with warts on their nose comes to mind but perhaps we just need to change our perspective. In years gone by the crones, in a lot of cases, were the ones who held the knowledge and helped people. They were the healers, the counsellors, midwives, the wise women who had the life experience and self awareness to be all of these things. You enter the crone stage after menopause which despite the way western society has medicalized it, is still a natural process. I am lucky enough to have had the experience of it naturally. Was it always fun and pain free? Not a chance but I knew what was going on and never sought out medical treatment for it. We have turned most female natural transitions into medical issues. Painful menstrual cycles, childbirth, menopause, there is a pill, surgery or hormone cream for that. Yes the medical system has saved a lot of lives and I am not bashing it, but when did giving birth and menopause become viewed as medical conditions instead of a natural ones. There are tools to aid you as you go through these stages and the wise women have known them for years. My grandmother’s recommendation of a certain tea for menstrual cramps was far more effective than the prescription the doctor gave me.

In this youth obsessed society we are overlooking the value and beauty of the crone! We have been there, done that and have much to share. If our society has no heart how can we hope to survive? We cannot go backward and change any of it but we can move forward and be part of the changes that are coming. Even western medicine is taking small steps in the direction of treating the whole person and is incorporating Reiki, meditation, spiritual practices, among other things into their system. It is happening slowly but it is starting to gain momentum. I am greatly excited by this! I take responsibility for my health and use food, herbs, essential oils, Reiki, crystals, energetic therapies etc to maintain it but seek out medical attention for things as well. I think our future is a beautiful combination of natural healing and medical science. They diagnosed my painful kidney stones but I turned to a crone to get rid of them, rather then wait a painful month for the second test needed in our medical system. The crone’s remedy helped me within three days and it didn’t even taste too bad. My doctor asked me what I used and when I told him his response was, “My grandmother swears by that!” I have also tweaked my daily food sources so my body does not create more painful stones.

So be a spiritual warrior and use your self awareness to help others. Embrace the crone and or warrior in you and others. Be the best you that you can be and spread the love and knowledge. We have much to offer each other but it does not happen without heart. Spiritual warriors walk the earth with their heart wide open and change the world one human connection at a time. These connections add up! One person cannot save the world but continued small actions of love and compassion from each of us can. Love each other, the earth and all her inhabitants until there is no one and no thing left that needs healing, then we can dance. Thanks to all the warriors and crone’s that paved this new path for us that is based on our past but not stuck in it.

 

Dance with each other!

Love everyone

Donna

Walking in Love

Some days I ask my self what the heck were you thinking! I know other people have said that to me but when you say it to yourself it is a whole other matter. My life has had so many changes lately that I am dizzy. I am doing a number of things that I have never done before and some of them make me uncomfortable. I wonder why and continue to explore that. I have someone coming to the house today to look at and hopefully buy one of the old Cadillacs. I have asked a friend for advice and listened to what he had to say and he made some very good points. What it comes down to is the emotional attachment I have to that car and the man who restored it. It is difficult to be objective and not take it personally when they point out the flaws and walk around the car looking for any little mark or blemish. It is just a car. Or is it? The car represented a dream for someone and they spent thousands of hours making that dream a reality. I just have to remember that it was their dream, not mine. I will bite my tongue so my mouth doesn’t get me into trouble and perhaps this person will love the car because it is part of their dream as well. My dreams for the most part don’t have material things at the forefront.

My dreams are about people and community. I want a life that is filled with meaning and deep human connections. I don’t care what kind of car you drive, what you do for a living, how many things you own or how much you weigh. I sometimes forget what an impact we can have on the lives of those around us. My favourite people are the ones who love unconditionally and treat everyone with respect and compassion. The longer I live the more of them I find. This is also what I want to give to others. One of my dreams is to have a small almost communal retreat centre. I see yurts or mini houses and a large communal space for workshops and dining. I see horses there (I know nothing about horses) for some reason, as well as dogs, cats, and chickens. Animals rescued from neglect and trauma similar to the people who find their way there. We have all suffered and continue to suffer from what we do to ourselves or what is inflicted upon us by others. I find it easier to get over what others may have done, the damage I have done to myself is a little tougher to work through. One of the things that I have realized lately is that I already offer that to people, a safe place to recover from whatever haunts them. I listen to them and I share my own experiences. Being able to do that is precious to me and a fundamental part of who I am today. I have not always been that person and have been ashamed of the way I have treated people in the past. I was struggling and doing the best I could at the time and have had to let that go. Times are different now and I finally feel as though I have something to offer the world. I think you need to go through some tough times in order to understand others when they go through it. Now all I have to do is manifest the buildings and the rest will flow from there. If you build it they will come!

So today the only thing I have to offer you is me. When we sit down together we create a sacred space and in that space is my love for you, the universe’s love for you (they are the same). That is a very healing space don’t you think? No judgement, no condemnation, just freedom from your past and an appreciation for whatever stage of your path you are on. In the past when I have run across people who have struggled with the same issues I have, I did not display much patience. I just wanted to smack some sense into them and show them how to do it. Not great, I know. Time and growth has given me a different perspective and I can truly appreciate where a person is at this moment in time. Judgement has been replaced by compassion, anger towards myself replaced by patience toward you, hatred by love, exclusion by inclusion, differences by similarities and the list goes on. I ask myself on a regular basis how I want to contribute today. I let the universe know each morning that I am ready to serve others in a way that is good for them. I learn more from helping other people than I ever did when I was a self centred, self absorbed person. There is a softness in me that did not exist before and it continues to grow. Oh, I can still be self centred and it happens when I struggle with things and fear takes over. It is not pretty but life and the human experience are not always pretty. I am learning to show myself the same level of compassion and caring that I extend to others.

Create that space for others, if you are able, so they feel safe and loved. People who are crying out for love can do so in some of the most unlovable ways. I am not saying you should tolerate atrocious behaviour or abuse from other people, walk or better yet run from that. Some people don’t want to change or grow. You cannot help them yet. The people who need you will find you and you will learn much from each other. The best teachers are students themselves! So the answer to what were you thinking is, I was doing the best I could based on my level of resistance and emotional turmoil at the time. The struggles from our past have created the masterpieces that we are today. Even the great masters painted some nasty looking stuff while they honed their talents and craft. Be gentle with yourself and others, we are all learning what it is to be fully human and walk this world in love.

 

Spread some love

Don’t forget the hugs

Donna

 

Connections

Well it is a rainy morning with strong winds here in Sooke. I woke up at three this morning when the power was restored and the lights and music came back on. Had an interesting day yesterday, gathering information about some things that I need to take care of and about the internal world of Donna. So, I want things to move quickly and the universe keeps slowing me down. Problems keep arising to test my abilities at solving them. Roadblocks on the path I want to go running down, broken fingers, timing is off and sometimes just plain old annoying delays. I want to run and skip and the universe is asking me to slow down and smell the flowers. The universe is much wiser than I am.

I think we are trained from a young age to always be doing something. We have lost the fine art of just being with ourselves and others. You must be productive in this society to be considered of value. We once looked up to our elders for guidance and wisdom, now we push them aside and chase the fountain of youth trying to stop the natural progression that we are all going to go through. With age comes wisdom that is lost on most youth. I am enjoying my fifties with my naturally streaked grey hair, laugh lines on my face and the wisdom I have gained from my experiences. I think we need to redefine what productive and having value means. Does sitting somewhere with people, everyone’s eyes glued to their personal communication device demonstrate the disconnect we have from the world around us? I am over 50 what do I know?  I think it is rude! When I go out for lunch or dinner, I usually ( I’m not perfect) turn the damn thing off and concentrate on what is right in front of me and the people I am with. I am interested in what is going on around me. I learn a lot this way.

I check in with Facebook, read and send texts and check my email just like everyone else. I just do it when I am alone. I stopped at a local coffee shop to grab some lunch yesterday and rather than pull out my iPhone and fo the facebook thing, I ate my food and watched the people. I even made eye contact with a few people. One thing I did observe was a table full of men all over 50 with not a mobile phone in sight. They were having a great time, talking, laughing, ribbing each other and you could literally see the connection between them. My God they even hugged and touched! Few tables over a father with a baby cuddled against his chest, phone out food ignored, his wife eating lunch and looking at her phone. Did they really taste their food? They didn’t even talk to each other the entire time I was there! One more table with a lone female (she had awesome red boots on) looking at her phone. Someone came in and sat down with her and she put her phone away and with a big smile greeted the gentleman. Ten points for her! It is amazing what I notice when my phone is in my purse.

It may surprise you to know that I only purchased my cell phone three years ago because I spent a lot of time driving and wanted it for emergencies. I live in the boonies. I also still have all my family and friends phone numbers stored in my head and know when their birthdays are as well. I don’t rely on my phone all that much and am still getting used to what they term a hands free world. I liked the hands on world! I like hugging, making eye contact and touching people. I like interacting with people, not my phone. Call me please, don’t text me, I want to hear your voice! I actually texted a friend who was sitting across the table from me having lunch and it read, Hello I am over here. She looked shocked and then we actually had a conversation.

I want and need that personal connection with others. I appreciate the fact that the Internet and Facebook allow me to keep in touch with people who live far away from me, but for the people who are right here I want to see and hear them. I don’t think it is too much to ask that people shut their phones off. Try it you just might like it. Or, you will be the only one with your phone turned off and you get to watch the rest of them and trust me most of them won’t even notice you doing it. If they do catch you watching them give them a big smile and really confuse them! So check in with me through a text but please phone so I can hear you and connect with you, it means a lot to me. Did you know you can hear someone smile on the phone? Try it next time you talk to someone, smile and see if they can hear it. Okay, that’s it for today, I am going to meditate and send some healing energy to a friend Mark’s dog Riley. Have a wonderful weekend and spread some love around.

 

 

Love you all

Blessings

Donna

Decisions Decisions

A number of people have told me lately that they think I am strong and brave. I thank them, because it is the polite thing to do, but I make a silent snorting noise in response. I don’t see it the way they do. I just deal with whatever life throws at me the best way I know how. I talk to people, cry, think, laugh, talk some more, listen, talk. Are you starting to see the trend? I talk a lot! I need information and you have to talk to other people to get it, but I also listen when they talk. Well, I don’t listen all the time. I try, but every once in a while I find myself thinking is this person for real? Are they actually saying these things and then I inject “oh really” into the conversation a few times. I am also sure that given some of the things I say to people they are doing the same thing to me!

Information is the key for me. I need lots of it to make a decision, then again, sometimes I make huge decisions without giving it much thought at all. I follow my gut! When I gather copious amounts of info it is because I am afraid to make a decision or a choice. I am at a point in my life where I need to decide where I want to live and what I want to do for the rest of my life. Big decisions right? I could go back to school and finish my degree, I could travel and see some of the world, the possibilities are endless. Holy cow that scares the hell out of me. I am frozen with fear because there are just so many choices. What if I make the wrong choice? What in the hell am I going to do? I change my mind so much people are starting to think I’m a little flaky. I just cannot make a decision.

That’s not entirely true, I decided to move before I sell my home because I felt trapped. One decision done. I feel good about that decision. Living in a suite will allow me to take off on a trip somewhere if I want since I won’t have a huge property to maintain. That choice gave me some freedom. I bought new furniture in the first store I went to instead of my usual routine of going to every store in town first. Sometimes I think that gathering too much information can confuse the issue and make it harder for me to make a decision. Aha moment!   I took a year off to give myself time to tidy up the ruins of the life I had and figure it all out. I am being impatient with myself because I have been brainwashed into thinking that I have to be productive. So I have decided that not making a decision on what I want to do in this next stage of my life counts as a decision. Now the laughter comes bubbling out of me. I have decided that I don’t have to decide right now. Wow, what a relief!

I am looking forward to having time off! I have worked every summer since I was fourteen and this will be the first time I can just do whatever the heck I want. I have made loose plans to do what I am calling a drive about. I am going to get in my car, board the ferry to get to the mainland and drive all over this beautiful province and see the sights. I also have a feeling that this is how I am going to decide where I want to live, just a gut feeling. Oh the people I will meet and the places I will explore! I am going to play for the rest of the year and when my new year starts on my birthday in October I will have a look at my life and make some decisions. So I don’t know about being brave or strong. I am just going to follow my gut instincts for the rest of the year and trust that I will know what to do. I have great faith that the universe will give me signs that point me in the right direction. I just have to pay attention to them.

Trust your gut

Love you all

Donna